Death and bereavement in the workplace- Part 1

Not too long ago, one of my business partners on a project unexpectedly lost her husband of more than twenty years. The loss was painful for her, but it also meant that our project had to be postponed because she was an integral part of the operation.{{more}} It took her quite a few months to get back in the swing of things.

We’ve likely all been caught in this situation. Someone from the office experiences a death in their family and you say the automatic response: “Oh, I am so sorry,” or, “I’m sorry to hear that,” or, “Please accept my sympathy.”

But are those words enough? And, even if they are, do you know what to do after that initial moment? Do you know when you should start expecting a return to work? Do you know when those awkward moments will end?

Death-no matter if it comes through a gruesome tragedy or natural causes, or through a quick accident or a slow illness is never pleasant, and coworkers are often left feeling powerless and frustrated about how to cope with the situation. A very long time ago, it was normal for an entire shop or place of business to take time off from work, primarily to help take care of the funeral and the family but also so each coworker could mourn the loss of the individual. Unfortunately, today, employers are under stress to perform and compete and may find closures impossible. In addition, few workers will be able to afford extended absences on their own.

Here are some tips on how to handle death and bereavement in the workplace, first from the company and coworker perspective then from the viewpoint of the bereaved.

For the Company and Co-worker:

1. Immediately offer your condolences to the coworker, verbally or in writing.

2. Put old grudges aside. Even the worst coworker needs help during this tough time.

3. Offer your assistance. Maybe you can help finish a project, take care of clients, fill in for a shift, bring in lunch, or run errands (but be specific in your offer).

4. Show up at the wake or funeral if possible.

5. Send flowers or, if the family has chosen to have contributions donated to a charity in lieu of flowers, make a contribution, either individually or in the company’s name. Just make sure you know the family’s wishes.

6. Always send a card – cards provide comfort even after all the people and kind gestures are gone.

7. If the company has a bereavement fund, ensure that the coworker takes advantage of it.

8. Follow up and check in after the funeral. The most lonely time is after the funeral, days and weeks or even months after, when all the people are gone and everyone else is back to their regular routines.

9. Allow a few months for the coworker to settle into his or her “new normal.” Remember that they may get emotional-angry, sad, or withdrawn-at times, especially if the death was sudden, if it involved a child, or if it was horrific in nature. Be compassionate and understanding.

10. Invite the person out to coffee or lunch or include them in social plans. Don’t allow conversation to dwell on the death, but empower them to talk when and as they are ready; if they choose not to talk with you in particular, don’t get offended.

11. Do not tell your coworker about loved ones you have lost or share how you dealt with your own loss, as people grieve differently. Just listen and encourage.

12. Don’t judge your coworker’s method of grieving. Some people break down emotionally, some withdraw; some may even unconsciously delay or avoid the process and continue working as if nothing has happened; some may engage in excessive and even destructive behavior. Be observant and intervene if necessary, but allow space for them to work through their grief.

Next week we will talk about what to do if you are the one who is experiencing the death of a loved one.

Karen Hinds President/CEO –
Workplace Success Group,
Toll Free: 1-877-902-2775;
Tel: 1-203-757-4103
Karen@WorkplaceSuccess.com
www.WorkplaceSuccess.com
Creator of The Workplace Success Program (TM)