Chicken-go-nah

When is not one thing in SVG is de other, and ah suppose is de same thing de world all over. When it ain’t Crime or Drugs is Agriculture, if it ain’t Hell’t is Cross Country Road or Airport and so on. Ah remember how de ULP Guv-ah-mint had ah big dream foh Agriculture, Gomry was minister den, everybody was con-fee-dent dat Gomry, who spent years in de Ministry as ah senior Agricultural Officer, was de man to turn things around. He started out well wig Big plans to die-foh-see-fire around Bananas. He sent out ah call to put more lands into cultivation, and came up wid de bright I-dare of ah Land Bank.{{more}} Initially de I-dare went down well wid de Farmers, because dey thought dat Land Bank was an institution way dey could ah get money to borrow to do farming. But dis ULP Land Bank was asking farmers wid lands lie-in idle, to put dey land in Fix Depose-it wid de Land Bank. De moment dem Farmers hear de word Fix Depose-it, dey smell “Red Rat!” Another Ponzi Scheme! “ Put arwe land pon Fix Depose-it, dat is Na-No Bank!” And we did not even get over de Na-No Bank scanned-all dah did help pull down de NDP. Lie-Za wid she two acres put down foh years was hoping to borrow money from dis Land Bank to buy ah Rav 4; but de Fix Depose-it part frightened her. She said to me: “ Under dis ULP, All Fools Day Guv-ah-mint, she fraid de word Bank; could be Land, Sea, Air or NCB.” Needless to say de Land Bank was ah still born, and was buried wid Jerrol Thompson’s brilliant I-dare to restructure de Call Centers, killing de Centers and hundreds ah jobs.

So Gomry moved from de Land to de Sea, and put down ah modern fishing complex at Owia, in his constituency. Ah overs de experts had declared dat site as one ah de worst possible location foh ah Fishing Complex. It will be interesting to hear how many pounds of fish, if any at all was landed at de Owia Fishing Complex. Dat’s another still-born waiting to be buried wid de Cross Country Road: Start-um! En-um! But No middle-um! Imagine in ah world way people checking de Climate Change before de change dey clothes, dis great Go-venom-mint cutting ah road thru de centre ah de island, interrupting water courses, and did not even do an Environ-men-tell Study; but hear dis on, Lie-Za is die-in to see ah copy ah de Environmental Impact Study foh de Argyle Airport.

EXIT GUMRY ENTER SABOTO

De heat in de kitchen was too much foh Gumry when de Black Sick-ah-torah reappeared , so Gomry disappeared and de youthful exuberant Saboto appeared. He had News Reporters following him around in his water boots and hoe demon-straight-ting to farmers how to use hoe. Looking back now, ah wonder if Saboto wasn’t setting himself up foh Sabotage. He took on de Black Sick-ah-tore-her wid gusto, was more talking dan spraying. De net results is de gross, our Bananas have never been in ah worse state. SVG in its “hay-day” of de 1980’s, uses to export over 100 million dollars ah Bananas to de UK. Last year we barely managed to export One million dollars worth ah Bananas to de UK.

Yes when is not one thing is de other. Since we have no spray plane to spray de Bananas, like somebody contracted Miss Millie Bug to fly de SVG route again, at least to mek sure dat we get rid ah what ever lickle fruits de Farmers got left. Shipment after shipment of our produce getting rejected and sent back from T’n’T, but our Agriculture Department is con-fee-dent dat de department got Miss Millie Bug under control.

DE COME-RED IS AH CHICKEN

Remember when de Health Dept uses to stink up de place every evening wid fogging, spraying de place to rid us of de Aedes Aegypti Mosquitoes, de carrier of de Virus dat causes ‘Yellow Fever’ and ‘den Gay Fever’. De story is dat de Guv-ah-mint “Cut Back” pon de money dey uses to give de Hell’t Ministry foh fogging de Aedes Aegypti mosquito, just like how de “Cut Back” on de money dey uses to give to spray Miss Millie Bug, just like how de “Cut Back” on de money to spray de Black Sick-ah-Tora. Lie-za say dis is ah real “Cut Back-side” Go-venom-mint. So no spraying of any sort and de “Chickens” coming home to roost. And all we could do to get rid of it is to tell it: “Chicken-go-nah!” Dat Lie-Za will not let me write me article in piece. She say Arm-in brave he could walk all over Canada and New York whether Bush could see him or not in de night; but de PM could go any part de world but not Canada. She calling him ah Chicken, he fraid Canada. Now hear trouble, she want me to tell de PM dat she say, he is ah Chicken, ah big coward, he fraid Canada. And if he is nah no Chicken…Go … Nah! Is want she want Grey-Ham Dollars oops Bollers to write me ah “Matthew Thomas letter” say me Lie-bill de Pry-minister too. Not dis George, and wid dat is gone ah gone again.

One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.