Ignoring your gut feelings

ONE OF THE HARDEST LESSONS a young woman must learn is how to trust her ability to think for herself. She must learn to trust her judgments, her instincts, her gut feelings-those little voices inside her that help her determine right from wrong and then help her decide what’s best for her, even if she cannot express her thoughts in words and even if the decision is not a popular one. {{more}}

Ask any woman about the decisions she regrets in her life; she will likely be able to name many. And with every regret, she will probably tell you she had an opposing gut feeling about the decision but chose to ignore it. Why do women voluntarily silence their voice, disregard their opinion, and then suffer silently?

The fear of criticism

Women wear various hats and are often surrounded by many people who influence their lives-and criticize them about the decisions they make. Criticism can come from multiple people, but it is primarily parents and other family members and friends who influence something as simple as what school to send her children to or what outfit to wear, to what friends she has or how to handle her career. Unfortunately, in many situations, a woman may go against her gut feeling simply because she cannot deal with the fact that she would have to explain her decisions or the worry that she might get a tongue lashing from her friends, family members or even co-workers. In major life decisions, this fear can irreparably damage a woman’s life. The woman who gets within days of her wedding only to realize that she is about to make a big mistake, then actually finds the confidence and where-with-all to call off the entire event is often ridiculed and ostracized instead of being praised and congratulated for being a strong, foresighted woman.

The fact is, this woman was willing to bear the criticism and disappointment of many rather than spend a lifetime crying and trying to make a marriage work that was doomed from the beginning. Sadly, not many women can make such a decision and carry it out. So, against their better judgment, those women smile and walk down the aisle, hoping and praying for the best. More often than not, her worst fears are realized and she spends a lifetime in regret-all because she was too scared to listen to her gut, to speak up, and to act.

The fear of failure

A woman who is brought up in an overly protective environment where her family is an abnormally strong controlling influence is usually afraid to fail. If she is not given the opportunity to go out on her own and make her own mistakes so she can recover with family guidance and support, her decision-making powers can be permanently stifled. If she never really gets the opportunity to develop

her gut instincts, she will not grow to think for herself but will be scared she might make a wrong move. She may agonize over how her mom, her brother or father might handle the situation instead of testing her wisdom and moving ahead on her own. She will become paralyzed by the fear of failing because her failing would mean she had disappointed her family and would have to take responsibility for her own actions, which she has not been prepared to do. Instead, she feels better just ignoring the little voice that speaks to her and listening instead to the external voices of family and friends that direct her. This way, when failure happens, she has someone to blame.

The need to please others(at any cost

Some women are driven by the need to be people pleasers. These women aspire to be popular, to be part of “the in crowd.” She wants to be the ultimate hostess, the wonderful mother, the perfect wife. And while all those things are good to strive for, when they are pursued at any cost, they become major problems. This type of woman is driven by the need to find approval from any source because her identity is wrapped up in seeking the admiration of those around her, even if she doesn’t know them well. Hearing someone congratulate her, having someone say thank you and getting people to like her are her aims.

A people-pleasing woman will work herself to the bone even when her gut tells her she needs to stop and rest; she will push on just to receive the praise. This type of woman compromises her values, her time, her talents and herself and sacrifices her own personal judgment just to be liked. She justifies her decisions by insisting she is a people person and just likes to help others.

The need to keep the peace

There are women who just want to live in peace, and for them, following their gut instincts just seems to stir up dissension around them because they go against the grain.

Your instinct is your internal warning system but it only knows you and what’s best for you. Some say that your gut is God’s personal warning system for your life. Whatever you call it, you, as a woman, must develop the ability to follow it. Yes, you will miss a few times but the more you use your gut, the more your instincts will tune in to making decisions that are best for you.

Karen Hinds

President/CEO

Workplace Success Group

Toll Free; 877-902-2275

Tel: 1-203-757-4103

Karen@Workplacesuccess.com

www.Workplacesuccess.com