Moving forward after a heart break

I don’t claim to be an expert in love and relationships (faaar from), but in light of a discussion I had the other day with a few of my younger friends on love and heartbreak, I felt the need to share something I wrote a looong time ago.{{more}} This was inspired by two friends who were going through relationship issues at the time. I’m sharing it because we all have relationship issues, whether we’re young and dating or older and married. Now, my view might be a bit too optimistic for most of you, but please feel free to email me your take on the issue.

Love…

Sometimes it leaves us bitter and regretful and sometimes we won’t change it for the world.

It’s what you do after the hurt that makes or breaks you.

We’re human, and it hurts like hell, but why should you have to pay for the person who hurt the person that hurt you?

You can be bitter and moan and complain, but life is dawning while you’re still stuck in mental yesterday.

You can retract into “safe mode” and love with your mind instead of your heart, but then your relationship is doomed anyway, cause you’re not going to make much of an effort and the person you’re with is gonna leave you, you’re gonna hurt them when they give you their heart and you withhold yours and they’re gonna leave you, they’re gonna love you but you’re going to keep them at arm’s length and eventually they’re gonna leave. “They” could have been a part of one of the most beautiful and edifying unions in your life, if you had given it a chance.

No, I’m not telling you to run to just anybody, open your arms and offer them your soul or walk blindly into bovine excrement, but don’t let that person’s three minutes of infidelity or 10 years of dishonesty change who you are, unless it’s a positive change. You’ve already wasted much time in the relationship. Don’t lose your vivaciousness, sanity or another second of your life on regret or revenge. Don’t give them that power over you…it has happened, life is cyclical and they’ll get theirs. Take your time, not too much; get back on your feet…life goes on and at the end of the day you walk away proud, you get to keep your respect and demand theirs.

Most people don’t seem to realize how much more strength it takes to forgive and move on. Life doesn’t have to be difficult, even in the hardest times, though when you adopt the simple, less stressful approach and try to be open, people tend to think you’re soft and easy, mistakenly underestimating you. People! Don’t think that because a person loves you and is willing to compromise certain things to improve your relationship, they’re weak. Don’t think that because a person doesn’t argue with you and accepts your weak explanations they’re not smart, and DON’T think that because someone can look you in the eyes and say: “I forgive you for messing up” that they’re stupid. You see… it’s quite the opposite, they say God is love so I guess love is God. God is an almighty, superior, spiritual being, love is an almighty, superior, spiritual emotion coupled with sexual magnetism, anything short of that is a bootleg (In my opinion). Love is about sharing, so they are willing to compromise and they expect you to compromise also. Just because they don’t argue doesn’t mean they are not mad. They accept your weak explanations. That doesn’t mean they’re not cross examining your every word in their mind, but you’re supposed to love them; they don’t expect you to lie. Love is also about forgiveness. Who are you if you can’t forgive? Aren’t you yourself worthy of forgiveness?

On a side note, Guys! Do you know how utterly refreshing and attractive it is to find a guy who would give you no time of the day because he is totally smitten by his woman? And, ladies, if he didn’t work too hard to get it, he probably would not know how to appreciate it, and if he did put in some work, it’s because you’re worthy.

That real love, the ones our grandparents, had is slowly becoming a thing of the past. We don’t love and trust like we used to, for good reason, everybody is into the games these days. Pull yourselves together people!