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‘How do I look?’ Lie-Za asked as she modelled ah T-shirt wid four words, big and bold on de chest : ‘Sex-Shall-Harass-Men!’ She admitted dat many years ago she had visited me and stole it from off de clothes line.Of course ah had to explain to her dat about 25 years ago, ah had written an Article in de NEWS using the words as ah punch-line. Ah Vincy-lady living in de Virgin Islands read de Article, thought it was funny enough to be used on ah T-shirt, and got my permission to use it. Ah don’t even have ah copy of dat Article and ah don’t remember what ah had written, but ah know dat dey would ah bin ah Ju-C Sex Scandal story buzzing in de Ear-drum at dat time, and knowing my style ah would ah referred to either Aesop Fables or foh sure, ah would ah men-shun de names of King David and his son Solo-man, two Biblical characters, if dey were alive today, dey pictures would ah bin on de Front Page ah de News Papers, every week.

Remember how King David, relaxing from de Palace roof, looked across de lawn and saw ah most beautiful model, Bathsheba bathing naked as de day she born. Dat scene harassed him day and night, he couldn’t resist getting into an Ah-dull-trust relationship wid her. Dey played wid Fire! And soon she got pregnant, serious business dat, as she was married. Things were different den, abortion was not an option, mek it better he loved her. Lie-Za always up to confusion, she say he could ah get ah soldier to arrest her, say she crazy and send she Mental Home foh Assessment. But dat wicked fellar, King David decided to pin de child on Uriah, her husband. Now Uriah was ah loyal soldier who was away in Battle destroying de Ammonites, protecting David’s Kingdom, while David at home honey-mooning destroying Uriah’s own humble kingdom. As ah solution, King David arranged to have Uriah killed in Battle. Not only did he steal Uriah’s wife, he tun round and murdered him! Wow!

But de story did not end dey, actually dat’s way it began. We should all read “Second Samuel Chapters 11 and 12” not twice, but thrice and find out what happened from beginning to end. Wretch-yuh-brute-shun caught up wid King David, as it always does, and will always do to all ah we: “None ah we is widout Sin!”

Dis “Sex-Shall-Harass-Men” Leg-ah-see has been around from time memorial, it still around today, even more rampant dan ever, in every segment ah de society widout prejudice or dis-crime-we-nay-shun: “From de King Davids to de Bathshebas! from de Rich men to de Poor maids! From Pastors to de young Sisters! Lie-Za again, she say nah forget to men-shun, from Presidents and Prime Ministers to Sexy-trees and Modules. Yes, we are all guilty of living in Ah-dull-tree, destroying marriages, destroying aint-no-saint young women; and what is so pain-full, is when de shit hit de fan, we resort to our commanding positions of authority to shut-up all who dare to comment, to what end? just to cover our worth-less-ness!

King David and Bathsheba’s secret was hidden from man, or kept quiet in dignified silence; until de Prophet Nathan confronted him. Wicked as he was God loved him, he sought forgiveness, and God thru his servant Nathan gave David ah Yellow Card and not ah Red Card, no NDP or ULP in dis one. Foh only ah Yellow Card, David’s punishment from de Most High was stiff: His house would always be at War and secondly what he sow he will reap, just like how he did butt Uriah; in return , ‘butt-foh-butt! his near-bars will butt him wid his many wives, in de eyes of all to see, dat must have hurt!

Having said all ah dat, Lie-Za is asking foh Mercy foh dat young lady Farrel. Drop de foolish charges, seek de very best in medical ah-ten-shun foh her. And she say I would know dat dey’s no difference between ah “Dutty Bitch” and ah “Wutless Dutty Darg!” What ah know is dat Sex-Shall-Harass-Men! And wid dat is gone ah gone again!

One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.