Pull-It-Tek-All cricket balls

De Cumberland Playing Field was opened during de 2010 Elect-shun calm-pain. So in spite of all de Fun-Fear, opening de field again last Sunday wid a cricket match featuring “ah Prime Minister’s X1 vs ah Carlos James’ X1,” had very lickle to do wid cricket; it was ah Pull-it-tek-all football match. And de (definition) dey-finish-shun of Pull-it-tek-all Football is “taking de nation’s serious business mek (party-shun) partisan polly-ticks!”

All polly-ticks aside, ah overs dat de match on Sunday was ah real blockbuster, great festive mood.. De Toss was ah Toss-up! Ah doh know way Lie-Za got her story, she all time meking her usual mischief, saying dat Captain Ralph turned up wid his own Balls foh de game. Not de usual Red Balls but White; and Captain Carlos objected, mumbling how White Balls is ah recipe foh “Ball Tampering!” Den someone asked Captain Ralph if he knew dat umpire Gaymes was not available to officiate… he bluntly refused to go out to bat!

It was ah Match-fixing Exercise to mek Captain Carlos who, at all cost, must be made to look good, so good dat not only would Hon. Patel Matthews, de legal Representor foh North Leeward, be no match foh Captain Carlos’, but would not want to face one ah Carlos Balls.

Everything was going to plan, until Sammy who was licking Balls all over de place, deliberately gave his wicket away to de bowling of Captain James, and paved de way foh defeat foh Captain Ralph and ah victory foh Captain James, who received de Awe-Ward foh “Most improved Match Fixing!”

Seriously though. Did de organizers of dis grand opening considered dat de playing field belongs primarily to de community, and by extension, de constituency of North Leeward, way during de last elections, each party got just about 50 percent of de votes, wid NDP winning by ah mare 12 votes? Common decency ought to have directed de organizers to invite Carlos James and Patel Matthews, de Legally Elected Rep, to play and captain de opposing sides. But when yuh put de PM on one side and James on de other, clearly de message is all about ah ULP ah-fear!

Man every year de US Congressmen of both parties, square off in ah baseball match, unfortunately dey was ah serious shooting incident at de games dis year. But de Cumberland opening event could ah bin more balanced and even more colourful wid de same two teams, on one side yuh have “Captain Ralph and de ULP Match Fixers versus Captain God-win and de NDP Petitioners.” Let de people see dat behind all de hostile verbal attacks dat these men level at each other, in Par-liar-mint and during heated calm-pains, dat on any given occasion regardless to de situation, dey can come to-gather and show great sportsmanship and Love. And dat we too must do likewise.

Even Lie-Za went ahead picking her teams from both parties. She thinks dat man foh man it would be ah good toss-up. She suggests dat it should be ah home and away game, Park Hill and Bequia. Both teams should play ah T-20 and den ah ‘Single Wicket’ match wid both captains, Ralph and God-win bowling and batting, one over against de other. She gave guidelines too. Six balls an over! No tampering or scratching of de balls. Den she asking me if ah think Captain Ralph could run up to de wicket and deliver more dan two balls. Dat girl is too troublesome. And wid dat is gone ah gone again.

One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.