How Ah-May-Sing

It was Carlton ‘CP’ Hall, de Kaisonian, who got de most mileage from his Kaiso ‘Calypsonian could sing,’ when Sir James boasted in Par-liar-mint and said: ‘Ah would never ban ah Kaiso!’ So if “CP” ain’t come out ah his Kaiso Closet and write ah Kaiso pon dah in-fearmost Cyber Crime Bill, ah will cry shame and “AH-MAY-SING” foh 2017, de 40th Anniversary of Vincy Mas.{{more}}

AH-MAY-SING how de Cyber Crime Bill ain’t pass yet and ULP Add-mini-stray-shun ready to jail Kaisonian I-Mad foh “What” he allegedly said about de Pry-minister. Now if someone write say if dey get ah gun dey will kill me, shouldn’t I be more concerned about “How, What, Where or When” ah offended dat person, dan to put him/her out ah de way and muzzle de world. Did de PM hear bout de teenage girl who wrote pon Facebook, say she go kill Calm-Law Purse-hard den PM of T’n’T; Calm-Law sent foh de girl, sat her down and dey had ah long chat, de girl received counseling and dat was dat.

AH-MAY-SING how all of ah sudden de NDP hot and sweaty trying to get ah late word or two on de Cyber Crime Bill de-bait. Seems like not only did dey stay out ah Par-liar-mint physically, but dey were not following what was going on during dey absence. So right now dey look like de student who doze off at de Bus Stop, and when he opened his eyes he sees de Bus speeding away. Dat student obviously was absent from classes and has to catch up.

AH-MAY-SING how all of ah sudden who is not an expert on swimming is interested in Shne and Nicolas, two one-dah-full Ambassadors who proudly represented dis Nation at de Rio Olympics. Ah remember Steven Yoke-him cussing Cess Mah Key every morning foh weeks, he on Boom Radio asking foh money to host ah Swimming Tournament hey in SVG. Now even de PM is on board. Coach Do-Gone, if dat’s how yuh spell yuh name like uncle Car-lie, Lie-Za say tek full marks foh bringing de kids up to Olympic Standard.

AH-MAY-SING how national middle distance runner, Kineke Alexander has bin representing SVG all over de world foh de last 15 years at least; and every Tom, Dick’n’Jane ‘n’ Harry gets to accompany her as chaperon! Not once did de Ah-so-see-hear-shun offer Dahlia, Kineke’s mom ah trip to see her daughter perform. Yuh see why ah saying AH-MAY-SING!

AH-MAY-SING how quickly Bing’s Boom Radio morning program climbed to de top. Bing gets ah ten out ah ten foh an interview he did wid de PM earlier dis week. De Foxy Ralph manages to wrap rings round de Radio hosts (Radio Bullying), dodging from ah straight answer, while he gets to spread his Papa-gang-dah. But not Bing and his side kick Steven Yoke-him, dey have ah way of ambushing de Guests, regardless whoever s/he might be.

AH-MAY-SING how “T” as in Theresa Norville is my nom-ah-nay-shum foh de “Grandma got run over by ah Rain-deer” Ah-ward! Is not now ah know “T,” ah fish vendor foh years, aggressive wid she vice loud as ah Trumpet, especially when she head bad! Ah never know her to be in things like Guns, Arm-yuh-nay-shun and Drugs, ah would believe yuh if yuh tell me she got ah few “Four- letter word” Cases to her name,. Ah didn’t realize “T” was still around, but her picture in de Papers caught my eye. De story is dat Black Squad got ah tip off dat ah ship-mint ah Guns and Arm-yuh-nay-shun landed, and dey lock-down de whole ah Bottom Town. “Lo and Behold, big and bold” de Front Page story read: “Elderly woman (T) held during Police swoop!” Ah overs dat “T” was taken before de Serious Offences Court, charged with possession of ah Semi-automatic 9 mm pistol and 12 (ah dozen) rounds of 9 mm amo-nay-shun. To all ah dem charges wid possession of “Dozen dis and Dozen dat”, “T” pleaded not guilty, “she Dozen know way dey talking bout!” Wid regards to de Drugs, she was charged with possession of ten grams of Marie Warner and three grams ah Cook-cane. Sixty years ago when ah did Chemistry, ten Grams was less dan ah half ounce, dats less dan ah tea spoon.

“AH-MAY-SING” how according to de newspapers, de Police went looking foh ah shipment ah Guns, Arm-yuh-nay-shun and Drugs, but all dey could come up wid was ah Ole woman wid one Semi-automatic Gun and ah dozen bullets. Bottom Town is known foh gang warfare, bullets firing left, right and centre all night long; young men getting shoot down like birds, man even Senator Carlos James would ah get ah good laugh, if he was told dat his 70 year old Tanty or Ghetto Granny, was smoking she lickle spliff spiked wid ah pinch ah coke, and when she head get bad, she fire off two bullets in de air like he Carlos oops, like everybody else does. AH-MAY-SING if our future High Court Chief Justice, Rich-Hand Browne-Matthias does not give “T” de “Grandma got run over by ah Rain-deer” Ah-ward when her case comes up on September 9. Is ah lot more dat ah find AH-MAY-SING, but nex’ year Carnival. And wid dat is gone ah gone again.

One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.