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De Love Vine celebrating ULP annie-verse-sorry all fool’s day

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Life has become so serious, dey’s no time foh de trod-dey-shun-all events. Ah remember de first ah April, how yuh had to be on yuh P’s and Q’s ‘cause dat was April Fool’s Day, when even ah stranger could ah walk up to yuh wid ah serious face, point at yuh foot and ask: “Look at blood, where did yuh get dat big cut on yuh foot?” frightened, yuh will look down and see dey’s no such thing, s/he will say: “ All Fool’s Dey!” Yes dat was ah long time ago, ah once ah year thing, but not today eh, today is like every day is All Fool’s Day! My girl, Lie-Za say ah must correct dat, we had long buried dat April Fools Day thing, until ULP, as if to correct another hysterical wrong, resurrected de day by getting officially sworn into office at Victoria Park, on April First 2001!{{more}}

Ah asked her what is de significance, she tell me nah use no twelve letter word to ask ah simple question: “ULP Go-venom-mentt was born on All Fool’s Day, April first 2001! And today Fry-dey, First ah April, bright and early, she calling all de Radio Stay-shun to extend Birthday Wishes to de ULP Go-venom-mint. And she listed dem out: “Dug-he on Nice Radio; Bing on Boom FM; 2-Cool on Hot 97, twice on Hot 97, later she Colling de Hitman to wish dem Happy April Fool’s Day! Ah asked her what about Star FM. “Ah calling dem all day,” she said, “from Den-he to Hands! Cricks and Buns! She will find Nah-well if she got to reach Ottley Hall Ship Yard.”

By now she is all warmed up, she asked me “What about de Ottley Hall Enquiry and de millions spent?” Ah started to fumble, but she didn’t wait foh an answer, she said : “Bassy dah was ah ULP All Fool’s Day prank!”

Den Lie-Za got more serious and chanted me saying dat ah got to be joking if ah can’t see de significance of ULP Go-venom-mint picking April First foh dey Birthday. She reminds me dat fifteen years ago ah promised to drive her to Leeward and we will tek ah short-cut from Troumaca thru ah Cross Country Road over to Chester cottage, den drive up to Georgetown. “Ah still waiting on yuh dis All Fool’s Day Bassy!” she said.

“Did yuh watch de Soccer Match on TV wid Vincy Heat vs T’n’T Soca Warriors?” I asked her. She obviously didn’t so ah told her T’n’T beat us six goals to nothing. “Yuh talking bout de match between We and de USA?” she replied. Ah explained to her dat de USA did give us 6-1 and Guatemala 4-0, but T’n’T is 6-0! She smile at me and said: “Tell me yuh joking, dah is your version of an All Fool’s Day Joke!”

Ah might as well pour it on so ah told her our Young Athletes went to de Carry-Fiesta Athletics Games in Grenada foh de Easter weekend, and all de other islands, including tiny, lickle Anguilla won medals, but SVG wid not even one medal came an embarrassing last. She agreed it was shameful and said: “ yuh telling me dat after dis All Fool’s Day Go-venom-mint, foh once kept dey promise, and provided our youths wid such ah lovely Steady-um, wid modern Sin-tek-it Track at Die-man, dem can’t even win one Bronze Medal. Quickly ah interrupted to let her know dat dey’s no such Steady-um, it was ah-band-done. “Nah!” she said, “Now ah know yuh fooling me, dah’s one ah your All Fool’s Day joke, right?”

By now Lie-Za was in ah bad mood. She started to think aloud: “ Foh de last six years, dis All Fool’s Day regime fooling we every six months saying, Airport will be ready.” Den she turned up de volume in her loud thinking and said : “What Tunnel thru Cane Garden, some ah we will Turn-ill waiting foh dat!”

To ah-peas her, ah told her dat we can’t say de ULP All Fool’s Day Go-venom-mint all dat bad, de Young Vincy Swimmers made us proud in Grenada over de Easter weekend, dey won medals in de Carry-Fiesta swimming meeting. But she is up to date, she told me don’t even go down dat road because, she heard de president, Steven Joke-him, Bing Joseph’s side-kick on Boom FM (Bing bribe me to say dat) complaining dat he didn’t get ah Red Scent from Go-venom-mint. Lotto did not even had de coat-to-see to respond to his letter asking foh assistance. Ah told her ah believe dat Lotto will send dem ah cheque on Fry-dey All Fool’s Day wid an apology explaining, it was intended to be an All Fool’s Day Joke!

“Tell me it’s an All Fool’s Day joke,” she said, “dat de two Lawyers in de Pay-to-shun Case, will be paid US$55,000 and US$38,000 respectfully oops, respectively.” De only Joke more Joe-Key dan dat, is if de Judge-meant is in Fear-foh de ULP on Fry-day. “Might as well,” she said: “mek it ah One-dah-full ULP All Fool’s Day Go-venom-mint Birthday Gift. And wid dat is gone ah gone again.

One Love Bassy

P.S Nah tek me serious eh, ah celebrating ULP Annie-verse-sorry, April First, All Fool’s Day!

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.

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