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Santa Claws north pole stops

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Lie-Za is trying to find out Santa Claws exact location, she has her usual Shopping List and de first Item is brown sugar. She come-plain dat dis is de worst looking brown sugar she has ever seen on de shelves in years, and questions if it is safe foh human consumption. De current shipment ah brown sugar on de shelve is ah punishment foh those who not suppose to use sugar.

Since she knows dat ah done set up my Crystal Ball to monitor events leading up to Christmas, she bugging me foh ah forecast on Santa Claws whereabouts.{{more}} My Ball showing Santa Claws widout his bag ah goodies standing outside ah Pole-in Station sorry, dat should be ah North Pole Stay-shun on 7th Avenue and 8th Street. Clearly he has left his original home number on 8th Avenue and 7th Street. I am advised dat de next North Pole Station is 6th Avenue and 9th Street, followed by de one on 5th Avenue and 10th Street. De Eskimos say dat by elect-shun day, Santa Claws next north Pole Stay-shun should be someway on 4 Avenue and 11 Street. So barring no Teachers Strike, Santa Claws should be here before Christmas.

FITNESS WIDOUT FOOD IS FOLLY

I have already commented on de fitness or lock thereof dat ah saw wid de Vincy Heat World Cup Squad. So good to see de Football Federation using de expertise of Athletics Coach Mercy Ollivierre. I also commented dat de players must also be on ah proper diet and nutrition program. Is de Football Federation taking care of dat? In other words is de Federation providing de athletes wid food and supplements? Mercy’s training is ah waste ah time widout proper diet and rest. Ah calling on de president my long-standing friend, Coombs to personally deal wid dat. Feed de Players, Venold! I believe dat ah Fit and Fed Vincy Heat Football Squad will give de rich and mighty USA squad ah run foh dey money.

And ah welcome ah News Release dat “Vincentians in the USA organizing support for St. Vincent and the Grenadines national soccer team.” Maybe dis is as good ah time as any, to prove to Patmos Richards how wrong he was to say those negative vibes bout Die-us-poorer people support.

DE PRESIDENT MAD-EURO

My girl Lie-Za was in shatters when she heard dat President Maduro of Venezuela did not make it to SVG on Choose-dey. However, she said dat on de morning, she was standing wid Green Party leader, I-fan Own-heel outside de Airport fence, when someone looking like de president come off de plane, look around, maybe ah bit disappointed when he didn’t see ah representative from de Awe-position, turned 180 degrees and went back inside de plane. Not ah smile pon she face. If yuh think dat she Lie big time, wait till yuh hear her second story.

Still seized with disappointment, she told me that while standing by de fence waiting foh de arrival of de Venezuelan President, she overheard de Pry-minister quietly boasting to an senior couple standing close enough foh her to hear, how when he, Pry-minister met Mr Maduro at de UN, he told him how de British Prime Minister, Calm-run, on his recent visit to Jah-mek-her offered dem 300 million Euros (1 Euro=US $ 1.12), promising “he go mek ah jail foh dem!” De lady in de converse-say-shun, eager to contribute to de dis-curse-shun, said to de PM: “ Mr Prime Minister, I hope yuh suggested to president Maduro… to mek ah jail foh yuh too?” Right away de PM went into his brain waive antricks, yuh know de wheel-chair dance he does at press con-friends way he shrugs his shoulders, looked back to de left and den to de right, finger pointing no-way; calmly he said: “ Come-red, mek jail foh me? Yuh think I foolish or what? I have My Airport to finish and dat is why I get him to agree to come here today.” Pretending to be overly impressed, de same lady said: “Oh how brilliant of yuh Mr Pry-Minister, only yuh would come up wid such ah Master Stroke!” Flattered to de ground, de Pry-minister went on to explain how he reminded Mr. Maduro of de “Collision of de Wailing” he had wid late President Shove-his, and he looking foh great things during Maduro’s Presidency. Den de PM shared ah joke how President Maduro even made light humour of Prime Minister Calm-run: “ My bruddah Rolfo,” ho told me, “ don’t wuddy wid de Bleetish Ply-meany-star and his plomise, I call eeet Cam-lon yu-doh. I teenk meestah Cam-lon is loco, let heem keep his Cam-lon yu-doh (Cameron Euro), and I plomise yuh mucho Mad-yu-doh (Mad-Euro)!” Not me and dat Lie-Za eh, and wid dat is gone ah gone again.

One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.

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