How bout ah provoke-ah-thief Ju-c cake

Ah few years ago ah did ah job at ah home in Cane Garden and de owner turned out to be Audrey Hazell, SVG’s First Carnival Queen.

She was or is still beautiful and attractive, back in dem days de judging was fair and fair-skin.

In conversation wid Her Majesty Audrey de First, I learned dat she was crowned back in 1951, ah was only ah ten year ole kid back den, and my teacher did done brain wash me dat dey was only one queen, de wife of King George VI. However Queen Hazell de First is ah Bequian, she is de sister of Noreen Hazell who is de wife of Bob Hid-duck. Interestingly when de CDC changed de Title of Carnival Queen over to Miss SVG in 1985, Mandy Hid-duck, de daughter of Noreen and Bob, who is also Queen Audrey’s niece, was crowned de first Miss SVG.{{more}} Ah had to pull up dat out-ah-place Lie-Za, she saying dat Mandy’s beauty is ah Hazell thing and nothing to do wid Bob! Foh those of us who know about Beauty, Bro Bob will always remain ah beautiful person.

We had ah long chat and ah realize dat Queen Audrey is ah Beauty Show person to de bone, she will do it all over again if she has to, but ah have me doubts. Sorry ah beg to differ, ah not crazy about Queen Shows and Beauty Pageants, ah believe dat “Beauty is in de Eyes of de Beholder.” Ah will continue to live in de “stone age” especially when ah read way I-witness News quoted someone from de Beauty Show committee as saying: “Patrons can expect ‘energetic, exciting and entertaining performances’ and ‘appealing and provocative’ swimsuits when eight women compete to become the 60th Miss SVG on Saturday at Victoria Park.” Even Lie-Za who could be queen of ah G-string Club, is crying Shame and asking why do we have to put our young ladies on public display in “Provoke-ah-thief Swimwear” to see who looks de “Best” or who could “Win” and get ah scholarship to University. She thinks it is total disrespect and an insult to de hundreds ah other “Ugly” but brilliant sisters, who burn de midnight oil in order to pass O-Levels” and “A-Levels Exams,” but will never “Win” dah scholarship to University, all because dey will never lower dey dignity and wear ah “Provoke-ah-thief Swimwear” and be judged.

Oh if we can hear more stories like de “Ju-C Sunshine Cake” dat won Third Place in ECGC Baking Competition, Kudos foh ECGC and manager Fatty Davy, ah ole Red Belly cake fan. De Ju-c Sunshine Cake was made by St Joseph Convent Marriaqua student, Sylvin Schaedle, de youngster out ah Bequia, who was coached by his teacher, Shemroy Roberts and given critical encouragement by other members of staff, including of course de Pentagon of which my wife was ah member! Ah think ah getting into trouble.

No doubt young Schaedle has his eyes on managing de family’s hotel business soon. But de I-dare of ah Ju-c cake is to associate de name Ju-C wid ah lickle more positive vibes. Maybe our Miss SVG contestants could be judged foh meking de best 3E Cake: Energetic, Exciting and Entertaining but best of all ” Provoke-ah-teef Ju-C Cake!

SMALL TEEF JAIL! BIG TEEF BAIL!

Last Monday hollow-day, as soon as ah got pass de half-ah-dozen beggars outside de Supermarket and entered de building, ah recognized Ras Elmo’s voice, ah thought he was only hailing me up, but when ah looked he was in ah corner way he was cornered by two Security Guards, ah know he needed help, so ah went over to him only to hear dat he was caught stealing. Ah felt badly foh de guy, because ah few months ago he had asked me to help him find something to do, he is a painter but he said to me: “Skippah, ah will do any kind ah wuk ah get.” Dat is to tell yuh how badly things are, we keep hearing about de one-dah-full building boom in low income housing dat’s taking place, but here is ah painter willing to do anything foh an honest living. Ah offered to pay foh de item dat he stole, but was told dat de Police were already on de way, in fact de two young officers were standing at de door waiting. Dey grabbed him by his pants waist and jacked him up on his toes, lock-up style, as he left he kept looking back at me as though he was begging foh mercy. Ah held back de tears and said to me-self, why didn’t he go by de Lie-sins office or Brag-Star or better still by de Red-is-tree and help himself to real cash; he didn’t have to tek three hundred thousand dollars like de Red-is-straw, but protocol having been established, dey couldn’t lock him up. But Lie-Zaain telling me don’t fool me-self, Jail mek foh Small Teef! But Big Teef walk free! And wid dat is gone ah gone again.

One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.