When yuh got bad eye

Sorry folks but ah not able to comment on de 2015 Budget Session, dah’s because ah made ah resolution dat ah will not listen to par-liar-mint as long as me namesake, Licks-under is de Speaker. Lie-Za was watching de Debate on TV, when she couldn’t tek de speaker no more, she phoned in vex-here-shun to ask me if ah get thru wid de Spy-null Replacement foh me namesake,how he and de Awe-position in confuse-shun in de House again. Den she tell me: “all ah yuh Licks-under buy-us!” {{more}}

So dis week ah sharing my experience on my visit to de Specialist foh ah Eye examination. My brother-in-law who lives in T’n’T, recommended dat ah visit Dr Crichlow who comes up from T’n’T and does ah clinic on Mondays. When he told me dat de Doc was married to ah Vincy, Karen Lockhart, ah pretend ah didn’t know de lady. Kay as we uses to call her is my villager, she was de lickle baby-girl in de family dah was sheltered by big brothers Albert who is de Vincy Doctor dat co-produced de medicare-shun foh eyes made from Marie Warner. Jim who is skilled in everything including flying ah plane; and Ben who entered BGS ah year after me, double skipped, caught up and went pass me like ah bullet, den earned himself de one Island Schol dat was offered den. Now-ah-days de list foh scholarships goes to cabinet and when dey announce de recipients, students does be asking one another, how come such and such get ah school, and de answer is as always, s/he is dis or dat minister’s daughter or son.

De Lockhart family was humble folks from Rose Hall, North Leeward. Kay’s dad, Ole man Lockhart, was an Agricultural Officer, de family lived on ah large parcel of land dat he planted food and also kept cows. Every morning ah went by dem foh fresh cow’s milk. Ah 26 ounce bottle dat today costs $ 6. 00 was six cents, my container was ah large Cidrax bottle, bigger dan 26 ounces, was always filled.

Mr Lockhart was de Cocoa Specialist, he didn’t have no Degree but he had temperature and Cocoa as ah crop was hot! Back den too, over 60 years ago, we would ah bin ready foh de cocoa people, Armour Jah-Row. Back den we had an Agricultural Department, not today’s Deskriculture Department, and Sin-vin-sin including de Grenadines produced de best Sea Island Cotton; Sugar and Rum, Gomry’s Our-Root and Cassava Starch; Bananas; de biggest single coconut field in de world and ah factory dat produced both coconut and cotton seed oils, soap and animal feed. Every week de vessels traded to Bo-bathe-us and Trinny-daddy Toe-big-oh wid sheep, goat, pigs, corn-fish and ground provision. Dah revisit down Memory Lane is foh de younger and brighter IT generation of today’s Eddy-care-shun Rev-all-yo-shun, dey all Lapped-up wid high speed internet, and 4-G string, Broad Waste Band, Face book all wax-up in whatever. All dat is good but when it is time to eat, if nobody knows how fee plant and nobody knows how fee fish, crappau smoke arwe pipe!

Yes ah was telling yoh bout my visit to de Eye Specialist. From de time ah entered de office, ah recognized Kay whom ah ain’t see over forty years, she is de spitting image of her mom, Mother Lockhart, dat kind and free-handed lady she was. Kay looked at me and her facial expression was curiously saying: “ I know dis ole crook, I just can’t bring his name.” When ah introduced me-self, she remembered me. Her face lit-up when ah men-shun my Grandmother, she said: “Oh yes how can I not remember Miss Major.” She was just ah toddler but ah remember when it was time foh her to take any kind ah medicare-shun, de only person who could coax Kay and get her to tek dat Castor Oil was Miss Major.

But Monday it was her husband’s time to return de courtesy and add-mini-star medicare-shun in me eye. Ah don’t know way Doctor Crichlow get dat eye-drops from, but from de time he put one drop in me left eye, ah don’t know if is because is de “Bad-Eye,” but something strange happened when he told me to read from de ABC chart. Ah couldn’t see de letters, all ah was seeing was de speaker ah de house ah par-liar-mint wid ah X-rear in he hand, telling de Pry-minister dat he was going to kick Senators Lewis out ah de House, because de senator bin secretly teking X-rear of his back, and dey making fun of it, de X-rear showing No Spine! No Guts! Now ah couldn’t tell de Doctor what ah seeing, ah wipe me eye and is so ah got to read de chart.

He told me enough to put my mind at ease; dat ah must stick to de medicare-shun, and mek regular checks. Ah think he forgot to tell me nah watch nobody wid me Bad-Eye, nor give no girls no Sweet-Eye either. It was ah double appointment as he attended to my wife as well. When we came out, de other patients looked tired waiting and dey gave me Bad-Eye! But den again, is ah eye clinic way everybody got Bad Eye sorry, way everybody Eye Bad! And wid dat is gone ah gone again.

One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.