Choosing to be ‘the other’ woman

EVERY WOMAN wants to feel loved, appreciated, and special and when she finds a man who makes her feel like a queen, who could blame her for doing everything she can to hold onto that man? A problem arises, however, when that man is already married or in a committed relationship with another woman; yet another arises when he has children with that woman. What are you, as the other woman, to do?{{more}}

Adultery goes back to biblical times-that’s why God wrote a commandment about it. Adultery can leave permanent emotional scars (and sometimes physical scars, too, if violence is involved), especially when young children are involved.

Some “other” women enter into relationships because they are deceived and have no clue that their new man is married or committed to another. These women unknowingly become the other woman. In that case, the man is to blame for the situation. But let’s look at women who knowingly enter into a relationship with a man who is married and choose to continue such relationships even after they find out.

A woman who knows who she is and has a good sense of self-worth will actively seek out the best for herself. That is not the case with women who make a conscious decision to become the other woman. These women, while they might be well dressed and have a good career, are usually emotionally insecure, have low self-worth, are selfish, and have yet to understand who they really are. This woman wants her own happiness at any cost-even if that means engaging in an immoral relationship. Of course, she will never admit any of this to herself, usually because she cannot see it.

The role of the other woman. If you are “the other” woman, you are the dumping ground for this confused, broken, weak married man. His loyalties are only temporarily with you, and you are probably just one short-lived experience on his journey through many other “other” women. Regardless of whether the affair lasts for weeks, months, or years, chances are good that this man will not leave his wife and family. No, he enjoys having you when he wants you and how he wants you, and any deeper commitment would mean he would have to face the realities of a “married” life all over again-and that’s what he is trying to escape from in the first place. He may make you feel good by having long intimate conversations, giving you gifts like trips, food, and clothes, and paying your bills; but by accepting these advances, you are telling him that’s all you are worth.

What to do. Most “other” women have to slowly-and most often painfully-come to the realization that they are being played for a fool. The other woman has to realize for herself that spending her life sneaking around and waiting for the man she now loves to choose her instead of a wife is not a good life choice. She has to realize that, even though she has grown content with what the man gives her, whether financial support or emotional presence, she needs to become less dependent on him. Too often, instead of coming to these realizations and taking control of her own destiny and making her own decisions, the other woman waits for her man to decide if he wants her enough to leave his wife and family. Some may even make themselves content to remain friends, in the hope that the tides will turn and she will eventually be named number one. Things can get even uglier if “the other” woman bears a child.

What you should know about cheating men. Men who cheat are professional liars, so they will lie to get your sympathy. They will lie about how horrible their wife is-how she no longer “pleases” him, takes care of their home, or raises the children; how she has “let herself go”; how he is no longer attracted to her or how she doesn’t make time for him. He may even go as far as to say he was always in love with you but married his wife out of convenience. It’s all part of the deception. Even if some of his accusations are true, shouldn’t he honor his “for better or worse” marriage commitment and work on the issues instead of creating more problems?

Life is all about identifying problems and overcoming each one step by step. Instead, men are taught to expect a perfect life with the perfect wife, perfect children, and perfect home. The instant that image is shattered, most try to escape because they were never taught by their fathers to be men and face the issues to find solutions. Instead, men seek the paradise-like feeling an “other” woman can provide. Men want to feel like kings in their own castles, and having an “other” woman enables him to escape and find fulfillment-no crying kids, bills, unclean houses, or other responsibilities.

The damage done. The first casualty of extramarital affairs is the man because his behavior is often the symbol of a much deeper emotional, or even spiritual problem. He is not personally satisfied with himself, his career, his life or he is struggling to find himself. Weak men ignore these problems, though, and weak women take advantage of the situations because they too are damaged and crave any attention. The second casualty is the wife-the wife’s trust in her husband is often permanently destroyed. Next are children because when children are involved, the behaviour is given the opportunity to continue as a generational pattern.

So, if you are the other woman tonight, consider the following: Don’t you deserve better?

Karen Hinds
President/CEO
Workplace Success Group
Toll Free; 877-902-2275
Tel: 1-203-757-4103
Karen@Workplacesuccess.com
www.Workplacesuccess.com