Mother overwhelmed by abuse from daughter, her female friends

Tue, Dec 4, 2012

Editor: As a mother, I am overwhelmed by the abuse from my daughter and her female friends.

My daughter is a teacher at a rural secondary school here; has two children; ward to one child. However, I am at my wits end and question the reasons why my daughter is constantly abusive to me and give her female friends the right to also abuse me.

Two recent incidents prompted me to write at this time. As a mother and grandmother, I am lost for words as to the behaviour of my daughter’s female friends, stemming from an incident involving her own child where I was verbally and physically abused by a 17-year-old student and her mother, during which I was struck in my face. My daughter had no sympathy towards me, but to her friends. In another incident, she was about to beat (abuse) her own child and I ended up trying to rescue her. On both occasions, police had to be called in to quell the situation. All the above happened in full view of my grandchildren and others.

I am concerned that my daughter needs psychological help because she is getting worse and because the lives of these young and impressionable minds are at stake. My daughter is allowing her female friends to use her and set her apart from her own family. The three children are undergoing a life of hell from her, who is mother and ward; and her friends are also major contributors. The children are always facing overcrowding, especially from this particular family of five; four children and an unemployed mother who is the head of this household. These children can never enjoy their own space and get the love and attention of their mother; they have away fathers.

It seems as though the family in question is depending fully on my daughter for support. They are always at her place and sleep over often. To me, my daughter spends considerable sums of her money on this family and looks to me for support. These children have even been transferred to the same school as my grandchildren. This family appears to be living large with no income. The three younger children of this family belong to one man. Presently, there is a court order for these children to spend two weeks with the man and the other two weeks are spent by the mother. As a result, she stops getting child support for whatever reason. So, when the time for the mother’s two weeks comes around, the children spend considerable time at my daughter’s home, to what I consider “woodlice” my daughter and her children in their home; and up until recently they all, including my grandchildren, operated in overcrowded and inhospitable conditions.

I am now forced to break my silence on this matter and put it in the public domain. My grandchildren are constantly being abused, and suffer from lack of proper nutrition, care and attention and recently fear and intimidation, because when these friends are at their place, they do not visit (me) their granny’s home at all, which is nearby.

As a mother, it is not for the want of trying. Several attempts were made in the past to seek counselling and help for my daughter. I tried social workers, community leaders, retired and present teachers, legal counsel, all to no avail and the results on many occasions were astounding.

All of the above is because this young woman takes no telling and feels that no one has any right to tell her what to do, especially in her own home. Her way is the only way or the highway. Ever since she was an adolescent and a young adult, she chose what I consider the wrong company, who cannot edify or lift her out of the gutters. I alone was the recipient of this abuse and now my grandchildren are paying a very heavy price. I am concerned that my daughter needs psychological help before she self-destructs. If nothing is done, something drastic can happen. I am concerned for my grandchildren, the nation’s children whom she teaches, and also concerned what could be the outcome.

I want the nation to know that I am one of many hurting parents. I realize too that there are many parents, grandparents, children and caring persons who endure abuse of different kinds. It is time for this to stop and persons to speak out.

Finally, for those who believe, one of the commandments is: “Honour your mother and father that your days may be long in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” Do not slight this. Look around; see and hear what is happening today. I will never cease to pray.

Concerned Parent.