An Interview with a Vincentian homosexual
by Taylor Smith 15.Jan.10
This is the final in a series of articles on homosexuals in St. Vincent. Today we interview Tony, a Vincentian homosexual whose name has been changed to protect his anonymity.
Question: What is it like in a broad sense being a gay person in St. Vincent?{{more}}
Answer: It depends. You need to know that there are many gays in the closet of one type or another. Those who are obvious and outed are automatic second class citizens, as for example, blacks in majorly white countries. Some gays can adjust to this – I never can. I want to be in a loving relationship, where I am free to walk in public, holding hands with my lover, go to gay clubs, where I am accepted, and have a social frame work. Sometimes I am suicidal about the way things are here. I feel limited as though I deserve something better.
Question: How are you discriminated against?
Answer: Iâll try to answer that as best as I can without giving anything away as to who I am. I was almost poisoned at a popular restauraunt here. I sat down to partake, recognised a chemical agent in my meal, and refused it. I became so angry. I wanted to kill someone. This is not healthy. I find I need to be aggressive, cold, calculating; qualities alien to my personality – to maintain equilibrium and self-esteem. 90% of the places I shop, I receive discrimination, from price gouging to hostility, and sometimes refusal of service. It feels good to get that out. Is this therapy?
Question: Do you have support?
Answer: Not as much as I need. This brings me to a little thing I like to call – myths about homosexuality. One of the best Vincentian myths is: if you talk to a homosexual – it means you are homosexual. Iâve lost many straight friends that way. They end associations with me, and I donât question it. I already know why.
Question: Do you have any friends?
Answer: I think my last response pretty much answers that question.
Question: Do you have a love interest in St. Vincent?
Answer: Are you kidding? No! I donât have sex anymore of the coupling type, if you get my drift. Straight men offer me sex for money. Gay men want sex only with me. I am a scandal risk. I donât want a relationship with a man who is only interested in sex. I have two long distance interests overseas. I hope to choose one of these eventually in a relocation scenario. For me a relationship should be 25% physical and 75% spiritual, except at the start.
Question: Do you want to be straight?
Answer: I went through the phase of wanting to be straight to please God and country, between the ages of 16 and 19. I have to accept myself as God made me. Thatâs all.
Question: Do you think St. Vincent will change its attitudes towards gays?
Answer: Maybe at 1% every twenty years, so in 2000 years maybe. Female homosexuality for some reason, which Iâll not speculate about, is gaining a slight degree of tolerance.
Question: Do you think the straight majority condones females as gays, more so than males?
Answer: I wonât answer that.
Question: What do you think needs to be done to change attitudes here in St. Vincent?
Answer: Only one thing will as with every catalyst for change in universal political and social history – violence or conflict of some sort. At the moment Vincentians are not courageous enough – especially gays in the closet – to invoke the wrath of straights here.
Question: For my final question, Iâll ask, do you plan to stay in St. Vincent? Do you love St. Vincent?
Answer: Iâm stumped, as to the second question. I am massively disappointed with every experience, with very few exceptions, Iâve had with Vincentians, since being recognised as gay. Well, at least, I love the beaches and the scenery. I donât plan to stay, as soon as my ship comes in, I am leaving. The catalyst is my love ideal. He just does not exist here. Youâre kind of cute, though, Taylor!
There are many other things Tony told me off record. The overall impression I get from our discussion is that Vincentians, gay and straight, need to maybe be more courageous for the betterment of tolerance for all our issues and differences.
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