How do we talk to our teenage daughter about sex?

Hey Rosie,

I am loving the advice that you give to our young people and your honesty with them as well.  My thing is, I have a teenaged daughter who is 15 and sometimes it is very difficult to bridge that gap when it comes to her life, her problems and of course the dreaded sex questions as well!  She is embarrassed to come to me and I am sometimes so uncomfortable to bring up these issues as well.  Her Dad, well he would rather just run for his life than talk to his daughter about S-E-X.  Do you have any tips for us?  How would you handle this phase if you were in our position?   I would really prefer our daughter to come to us instead of hearing all kinds of misinformation from her nutty friends. (smile)  Thanks again, Rosie, and keep up the good work.
 
Grateful Mom

Dear Grateful Mom,
 
Thank you so very much for those wonderful words of encouragement, it is very much appreciated.  Your letter was very touching to me because you are on the other side of the fence.  You are a concerned mother (parents) of a teenager and you want to be there for her on every level. I think this is so very touching to see.  Often times I get the letters from our young people who think that their parents just don’t get it… but we really do, we just need to communicate more efficiently.

 Once upon a time I too had a teenaged daughter. Like any other teenager she also wrestled with the struggle of growing up in these very trying times and making the best choices for herself.  However, she knew that she could have come and let us know what she was going through. Sometimes she just needed to vent and we would simply listen, because she pretty much knew what she had to do.  We do not always have to solve all their problems, but just being a listening ear is enough. 

 My advice to you is really simple.  When you are about to give your daughter a lecture or as you said the “dreaded sex talk”, stop and remember when you were her age and how you wished the people in your life would have been more open and straight forward with you.  

I think as parents we really forget that we went through so many of the exact scenarios our children are going through right now.  How did you feel? The little secret boyfriend you wished that you could have brought  home?  Feeling that you didn’t fit in with the cool group?  Or how about your curiosity about sex back then?  So many experiences for us to pull from if you allow yourself a trip down memory lane.

 I know our upbringing was very conservative back then. However, we have to step out of our comfort zone for the sake of our children.  We must be accessible to them and allow ourselves to be more “conversational” and less “confrontational”.   Let her see you as person with her own history, rather than a Mom who is afraid to say the word the word “sex” in front of her.

 Little steps.  Share your own stories, make the environment a more approachable one.  Basically creating an open-sdoor policy.  I strongly feel that your daughter knows that you love her and you are there for her.  Best of luck and you are on the right track.
 
Rosie

l Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or PO Box 152, Kingstown,St Vincent & the Grenadines