My mom wants to put my daughter up for adoption

Hey Rosie,

I read your columns every week and, trust me, I enjoy how upfront and honest you are.

I am a second-year college student and currently I’m pregnant. The father and I are still together and he is really very supportive. He pays all the doctor fees and everything. However, I still live with my parents and my pregnancy is unknown to my dad, because my both parents are going through a divorce and my mom feels as though letting my father know will somehow ruin her ‘reputation’, or rather, have him blame her for it, since it has happened to my elder sister and this is what he did.{{more}}

Rosie, this is not what is bothering me… the thing is, I just found out that my mom has arranged to put my daughter up for adoption, and it is heartbreaking. I understand that she wants what’s best for me, but I don’t know how to let my boyfriend know. I’m afraid to tell him, because I feel as though this will separate us permanently, and I’m scared. I have no one to talk to, no friends, nothing… and it’s tearing me up.

Please Help

Dear Please Help,

Please first let me wish you a safe pregnancy and delivery, which is the MOST important point at this stage. I want to tell you a couple of things; you are a very blessed young woman. Why do I say that? You are still with your baby’s father, you are both involved in the well-being of this young life and you are an intelligent person who even though you may not be in the best situation at this time – you are facing your challenges head on.

Sometimes, life takes us on a journey that we never expect; however, it is the journey that we are MEANT to take. This is where you are at the moment, my friend. As a young mother- to be, you have some very big choices to make. The first decision is, are you keeping this baby? If the answer is “yes,” then you have another decision to make and that is are you going to find your own place to live and support you and your child? Then, you and your boyfriend are going to have to be very real about how rocky it will be initially, if you are going to go out on your own.

I say this to let you know that NO ONE can take your child and put it up for adoption! Not because it is inconvenient to them, looks bad for their reputation or they are trying to save face. YOU are the person who has to decide what is best for this child, no one else. It sounds to me that you want to keep this baby, and if so, you are going to have to put some serious plans into motion. It is unfortunate that your parents are divorcing and you are being pulled into their drama. I personally would tell your father because, believe me, he WILL find out and that will not be pretty.

I know you have some very difficult decisions to make, including explaining to your mother, respectfully, that she is not responsible for the final decision of your baby. Just know that if you are still for a moment and clear your head, you can move forward with the best choices for you and this little one that is on the way. I wish you nothing but the very best for the future and I have all the confidence that you will make the best choices all around.

Rosie

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