I love my boyfriend, but he has a problem when he drinks

Hey Rosie,

I am 20 years of age, living in a house with my boyfriend.

For the last four months, I have been having some problems with him, as almost every night he comes home drunk and keeps cursing for no reason. I really love this guy and he loves me too. He supports me in everything I do and also supports my child that is not his. I believe that he’s cheating on me, because sometimes he will call and say “I am going out tonight, so you can sleep with your mother.” At the same time, I am hearing his name calling with other ladies and when I ask him, he will say “Girl, I love you. I don’t do you anything.” The guy isn’t supposed to drink, because he has a problem when he drinks. Hospital picks him up and he doesn’t listen to me. Rosie, should I leave this guy or continue with this relationship?{{more}}

Help Needed

Dear Help Needed,

Well, it seems that your boyfriend has a major alcohol problem; without the liquor, he has some very redeeming qualities, but it is overshadowed when he hits the bottle. Now, the question is: are you equipped enough to get him help? Plus, is this a relationship that you would want to invest that long- term effort in?

So, let’s look at this relationship from a few different angles, shall we? You are 20, and you’ve been living with your boyfriend for the last four months, plus you have a child that’s not his. Some may say the relationship is still young and you can move yourself out of it before it escalates to physical violence (which is a trend with some alcoholics) and before a baby comes along to connect you for life. In other words, a “clean break” and let him fend for himself in getting the help he needs.

Then there is the emotional part of this. He is kind and caring towards you, and when he’s not drinking, you feel loved and supported. The verbal abuse is then at a minimum, I assume, and you think things can work out – but can it? Be real with yourself for a moment. Do you feel as if this relationship is on a strong enough foundation to work on his addiction, verbal abuse and infidelities? Does HE think HE has a problem? Do you think that you can’t do any better? Are you settling because he is good to your child?

The bottom line is this — he has a drinking problem, in addition to some other issues. Until HE wants to change his ways, you can’t make him. So, that leaves YOU; what are your dreams and aspirations? You have your whole life in front of you and there is so much that you can accomplish. You can continue school, get a rewarding career, continue to guide and direct your child, plus grow emotionally to recognize that there are so many more opportunities and people in this life for you to meet. But all of this wouldn’t happen until YOU make those decisions for YOU.

I hope that you have the discernment to pick the right path and decision for yourself. You only deserve the very best.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or

P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.