My babies’ father beats me. I am afraid to leave

Hey Rosie,

My babies’ father is hitting me. I have left him a couple of times and went back home to my mother’s house. Then he comes and begs for forgiveness and I go back with him. The last time was the worst; he beat me so badly that I started to bleed, so much so that my sister had to take me to the hospital, where I stayed for seven days.{{more}}

Rosie, it is to the point that I am just afraid of him. He says that I can only be with him and he is not allowing the children and myself to live elsewhere. I want to leave, but I am afraid that he would hurt my family. I think he’s that crazy. I don’t love him and I don’t think I want to be with him. When he’s at home he doesn’t even play with his kids, so what’s the point Rosie? I have a decent job and because of this situation, my boss has warned me that I could lose my job because she sees how it’s meddling into my work.

I just feel to give up.

Dear I just feel to give up,

Please don’t! As you know, you are in a highly abusive relationship. In fact one that can be described as extremely dangerous! Let’s get to the point. You need to go the police department and get a restraining order; you should also retain a lawyer for legal counsel; and most of all, get a strong and supportive group of people around, so you can take a stand to reclaim your life.

This type of behaviour is truly not acceptable. If a man uses words such as “If I can’t have you, no one can,” it is a very dangerous sign. Sometimes, we make excuses (you aren’t, which is good) about the person being stressed out, being really a nice guy etc. This is nonsense! Recognize that there are times when the only option is to leave and seek help and protection. This is what you are doing and I am proud of you.

This transition is going to be difficult, stressful, but you must not give up and it CAN be done. I am happy to hear that you are not using the children as an excuse either, because them seeing their mother being hurt like this is causing them more harm than good. So do what I am telling you, get legal assistance, go to the police and file a restraining order. Make sure that there are people around you and the children at all times for a long while and seek some counselling…You are struggling emotionally and that’s okay, but it’s not okay to give up, because you have too much to live for. You are very much worth it.

Be safe, be well.

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or

P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.