Should I just move on?

Hi Rosie,

I am a 21-year-old young lady and I am lost in it all by myself.

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years now. When I first met him, there were problems, like he had a girlfriend and I am not the type to go into things like that, but he begged for a chance and I gave it to him.{{more}}

There were the good times, and in the beginning it should have been the happiest times of both our lives, but it really was not for me. I had to deal with the fact that he lied to me, the fact of when we went out and he met his ex, he always ran to hug her, and I am standing on the sideline just looking like an a**.

He also was a party animal who loves his rum bottle and that was just not me; but I stayed and tried changing him. Along the way he did change, to me. He stopped the drinking and partying, his phone stopped ringing at all hours of the night and he stopped going on Facebook as often. So, I fell more and more in love with him.

Well, here is where it went bad. For his birthday, he lost his job, so I took him on a trip to make him feel better. Everything was perfect and we found out I was pregnant with my first child, or should I say our first child. It was his best birthday ever; he even promised to marry me. That’s how good things were; and then we got back home where he was still out of a job.

Then it was my birthday. I knew money was his problem because he was not working, but for my birthday I got nothing, not ever a happy birthday on my Facebook wall, not even breakfast in bed, I got nothing. But that night, he told me he was going back home because he was living with me, and home is off the island, so that’s what I got for my birthday night; he left the next day.

I went job hunting for him, because I wanted him to come back home; so I did get a job for him. He came back and I truly thought everything was going to be good. But he said that type of work is not his thing. I cried and begged him to just go and do the work until things pick back up, or just stay around until the baby is born. He refused and up to now, the thing that hurts the most is he has not come to talk to me and maybe say “baby, do you want us to move off the island,” or something. So, after all I had to put up with, after all the trying I did not even get a choice in the matter; he made all the decisions by himself. So, now I am pregnant and stressed. Each night before I go to bed, I cry. Even in the middle of the night I wake up crying; even when I am at work, I cry. I just can’t seem to stop.

When I get home from work, I eat, then I lock myself in my room and pray for night to come and when the night does come, I pray for morning, then I pray for the day to end fast. I shut all communication off from my one friend that I have and my mom, and just stay by myself. I am hurting so bad, as I write this, I am crying my a** off. Now, I want to let go when it’s too late, but I just don’t know what to do. Should I stay or should I forget about him. I really never wanted my kid to grow up without a dad or mom around, but it’s life. So, my thing is, I want to know if to let him go, or should I just move on?

Miss Heartbroken

Dear Miss Heartbroken,

Listen to me very carefully; if you can be this powerhouse of a woman at this young an age to motivate your non-worthy man, then I beg of you to dig DEEP right now to motivate yourself!

You have done everything to try to keep this guy and my question is why? Is he loving you? Is he respecting you? Is he supporting you? I am going to say, “No!” You made some very big mistakes, such as hooking up with a guy who was already in a relationship (never a good idea – ever); then when he was displaying all those negative traits such as: not looking for work and quitting because he doesn’t think it’s good enough for him. Then he’s on the phone and in the club and loving the liquor? Come on! I want you to want MORE for yourself!

You are having a baby. The baby needs a strong mother and your ARE a strong woman. If you are a praying woman, I will ask you to ask God for the strength and direction to move forward – then do so. Pulling yourself away from your mother, friends and family is not a good idea. You can do this! All of the effort that you have put forth into making this man someone YOU want is not worth it. Take that same energy and obvious intelligence to make a great life for yourself and your little one. Heal yourself, my young friend, heal yourself.

Never try to make someone stay in your life who doesn’t want to be there. That is a very toxic cycle and you can break this now. Have a safe and healthy delivery. Get some counselling and know that you will not only survive, you will thrive. Remember, no looking back.

Rosie