I can’t stand my mother-in-law, am taking my house back

Hey Rosie,

I really can’t stand my MIL (mother-in-law)! She is two-faced, likes to stir the pot and doesn’t like MY MOM! Rosie, she comes by and still wants to run my household, after 15 years of marriage to her son. We both have great careers, three children we are super proud of — two boys and a girl — ranging in age from 13–2 and are very blessed to have some great family and friends in our lives; even my father-in-law is a gem.{{more}}

She would pretend to be chummy with the kids, ask them all kinds of questions about what’s going on at home, then flip the story her way to tell her son what she “saw”. The older kids are on to her now, so they stay far from Gran Gran! Rosie this woman is a mess. I tried to be civil, but her other daughters-in-law, and yes there are three others, we can’t stand her! She actually has six boys and four are married. I think her husband is happy when she leaves the house as well; it gives the poor man some breathing space. We (the DILs) noticed that when she’s around, all the men talk a different game and keep busy; but when she’s not there, they are totally different – they laugh, make jokes, play with the children and are so relaxed. Even my husband knows that his mother is something else, but he says to me, “Babe what can I do? It’s my Mom!”

So, Rosie, I have had enough! I am taking my house back! I am going to sit her down and let her know that this is MY house and if she can’t respect that fact then she is NOT welcome anymore. So what do you think Rosie, before I declare WAR!

READY

Dear READY,

Oh my sweet Jesus! My toes are sweating! That is the first sign that I am very afraid! Lol Girlfriend you aren’t kidding! You have the pleasure of having what it seems to be Cruella Divell as your mother-in-law (MIL)! Poor you!

I am cracking up over here, not because it’s funny (some of what you said is!), but because I can see me doing the sit down and “chat” session and I can’t even blame you for it. Now, it’s HOW you do the “slap and make nice” session is the true trick right here.

Let me explain the “slap and make nice”. I used to be in sales; we were sent to a training seminar; we had a trainer who I swear looked like and sounded like George Burns (another story for another day!). He said people who are being unrealistic in their demands and will not listen to reason, needed to be slapped back into reality, told why they can’t get what they are requesting, then you rub their backs and show them their REAL reality. Simple yet brilliant.

So, because she has six, no seven grown men who live in fear of this woman, I guess you are it, huh? By the way, any other sister-in-law wants to address this issue as well? There can be strength in numbers. Anyway, let your husband and father-in-law know what is about to transpire. I would even videotape it for evidence, because you know she will turn this in another direction!

Tell her very firmly and directly (make bullet points on a card if you must, so as not to forget anything) what it is you will and will not put up with. Be respectful; let her know you are recording it; mention you are not appreciating her getting information from your children as well and that you’ve informed the family about what you are doing. The key is that you need to be in control, very clear and above all very respectful in your delivery of your message. Then await the EXPLOSION! Oh, it will happen, there or very shortly after. Do not run; stand firm in your convictions. She’s a bully and you will have to ride the rough waters with a smile (even though you maybe afraid); also, if you are a woman of faith, talk to your God first! You are going to need it. But this behaviour can be broken. Keep in touch and GOOD LUCK!

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St Vincent & the Grenadines.