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Confused between family and girlfriend

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Hey Rosie,

I have three big problems. Firstly, my girlfriend is a very hard-working woman. We have been together for six years and sometimes she drives me crazy and makes me hit her sometimes. I love this girl, but sometimes she talks to me as if I am a little child and she always speaks at the top of her voice when I try to get across my point.{{more}}

I never get a chance to talk; she never listens, which is what makes me want to hit her. I know that is the wrong thing to do.

For the first one and half years, I had a financial problem and she used to go to her bank account to get money to support me. Sometimes, she wanted me to pay her back; but it is not that I was sending her to do it, but she has to eat. Do you think I should repay her?

Secondly, we started a business together about four years ago, and it is going well in the tourist season. I asked her to open an account for the business and she never wanted to do that. She thinks that the profit must be shared half and half, and none for the business and then at the start of the season, we have to get money from our account to start again. I think the business should have its own account. She said she is not opening any account with me.

I love this woman, but I don’t think she loves me. I think that she thinks because she is more independent than me, she can talk to me like a child.

Thirdly, my mom does not like her and because of that, my mom is holding me down in life, so that I cannot invest in anything. Because she is living in my house, my mom took my house and the land as her life interest. My mom put my two sons on the deed. She did this without my knowledge and I was stupid to trust my mom to build a house on her land, costing $80,000, without a signed agreement. All these problems make me want to end my life at forty, because I am confused.

Confused

Dear Confused,

Wow! First off, stop this talk right now of wanting to end your life! That is never an option, so, let’s take that off the table. Also, I am going to tell you that only you can be in control of your own emotions and no matter how much your woman is upsetting you, you never use your hands, never. Walk away, but never lay your hands on her; it actually shows that you are not in control of your actions.

Now, coming down to the crux of this matter, you actually have to look at you. Forget all the money issues, relationship problems and betrayal by your mother (a hard pill to swallow); it’s a matter of you having more self-confidence and self-esteem. In other words, love yourself and you will see that you would expect more from life than what you are getting. If you think of yourself as less than others, guess what? Many times people treat you accordingly, because they are getting that from you.

I want you to take a BIG STEP and go and seek some counselling. Be open and honest about how you feel your life is going. I know this may be hard at first, but it is a must for you to do this. Once you start looking at your entire past missteps and struggles, you will be honest about what it is that you will have to do to change.

At this point, you will have to decide what you will want to do with your relationship. If you don’t think she loves you, then I think you’ve made up your mind already. In terms of your mother, you may need a third party to sit down and mediate your feelings of betrayal. Also, allow her to say how she feels, so you can have honest feedback from her. This is not going to be easy, but if you are open, it will help you move on.

My friend, you are worth more than you give yourself credit for, so please go and seek some help. It will change your life for the good. Blessings.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: [email protected] or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St Vincent & the Grenadines.

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