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In love with mom’s man

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Hey Rosie,

My problem is simple – I am in love with my Mom’s man. I know it sounds grimey, but it is what it is. I am 19, and he is 37. He’s a little younger than my mother who is 41. Rosie, I know it’s wrong and I don’t want to hurt my mother, but I really care for this man. What am I to do? He gives me money, we sneak away during the week when my mom is at work and he says he’s falling for me hard, Rosie, and doesn’t want to hurt my mother either.{{more}} He and my mother have been dating for the last 3 years, but we just started to mess around over the last 8 months. What should I do, I don’t want to lose him? But I also love my mom.

Confused

Dear Confused,

You are NOT confused. You are determined to eat your cake and have it, too!! Why are you doing this? Yes, it IS grimey! I could try to use my “indoor voice” and say to you that you know better, but I just want to grab you and shake you, because this is not right!

How could you go along with this ultimate betrayal of someone as close as your mother? Someone you profess to love? This is the act of a very self-centered person who is going to do what she wants to do. How do you think your mother would feel about you? Forget her boyfriend, because he can be replaced, but to know that your own flesh and blood can do this to you is so very hurtful. I really do feel for your mother. You should be the person she turns to during this period of finding out that her boyfriend is a creep and cheater, but alas, you are a part of this terrible triangle.

As usual, I am not even going to address this man, who should know better than having an affair with his partner’s daughter – one who is almost 20 years his junior. Really? I have no words to say to him that his conscience hasn’t already, just SHAMEFUL!

But I want to know what are you going to do? He is going to cheat on you like he is cheating on your mother. He has no respect for you, and he knows you are caught up in the game of this whole sordid mess! Stop it now! Just cut it out! Make a clean break. I am not even at this point addressing that your mom should know that he is a cheater, much less that you are the culprit as well. I am addressing your behaviour as a young adult. You are setting yourself up to be that other woman, side chick or home wrecker, and you are meant to be so much more! Seek some counseling in terms of your self esteem and worth in life. Work on completing your education, getting a satisfying career and being an honorable citizen of this world. What you are doing at this moment is so beneath you, so please step out of this messy pit you are in presently. I do have faith in you.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.

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