Should I be happy with my boyfriend or sad because my “exes” have moved on?

Hey Rosie,

I am want to start off by saying that I have very strong feelings for the guy I am with. He’s not the complementary type. Well, at first he used to be.

We have been together for a year and a month now. I was wrongly accused of cheating with my ex, but, Rosie, I’ve been faithful all along.{{more}}

People may say what we have isn’t love, but I know what I feel. He’s my soul mate. He is 18, which makes him 3 years older than me. I am in high school. I’ve been with 2 guys before him, but we’ve had no sexual contact.

Now my exes have moved on, and I am feeling kinda left out because of what they post on MSN, not Facebook, because I am not on that.

Really, to top it off, they dont even talk to me. My boyfriend is a sex freak, and I really hate it, and to me it seems as though he is cheating with his ex, my former best friend. Rosie, please help. I don’t want to go to a shrink or something. I need answers. What should I do?

Real but troubled.

Dear Real but troubled,

This isn’t good at all! You are only 15! You are so deeply caught in this web of drama, deceit and emotional pain; it’s so hard to start. But let me say this, be happy he is gone. You do not need this at all! This drama is messing with your positive flow, that you are just standing in stagnant water.

I am not here to disrespect you about your feelings, because I know they are real to you. But most of these feelings are also wrapped up in some serious “hero worshipping” as well. He’s older than you and at this age there is a BIG difference between a 15-year-old and an 18-year-old. I can feel you rolling your eyes, but it’s the truth! I speak from experience, my friend. There are many things that a person that age can do and places they can go that you may not be able to. Also, he may have used that excuse regarding your cheating because he wanted an “out” from the relationship…that’s called “Picking a fight”, so someone could leave. Then you have a betrayal of your ex best friend? My God, it’s too much! You shouldn’t be dealing with this at 40, much less 15! Consider she did you a favor, your ex-boyfriend as well, an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and start fresh.

Being in a relationship with an older guy you have described as a “Sex Freak” isn’t good for your mental, physical and social health. Step back for a while and be honest with yourself. Did your personality change negatively over the last year? Maybe your school work slipped? Or you were so caught up with this guy that your other friendships and family connections suffered. Then there is the obvious. You are so sad that it’s over and you feel left out. Well, it’s time to take control of you. You can’t control the behavior of others, but you can work on you. Seek counseling, minimize contact with your ex-boyfriend and best friend, find a hobby (that may involve a sport) and get a new positive circle of people to hang out with. Most important, Sex + Older Boyfriend = Bad combination. So take some time to reconnect and love you and what you are worth, because that is a LOT! Be well and smart, my girl.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.