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Should I hold off from moving with my fiancé?

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Dear Rosie,

I am the mother of 2 children whose father is not involved in their lives. This is by his choice. Rosie, he was cheating on me, hitting me, then he quit his job and decided to stay home and smoke weed! Well, I ended up being hit one time too many, so I threw him out and then I also moved to another town. It was hard at first, Rosie, but we did it.{{more}} The children are 10 and 7 now, and are doing well in school and have adjusted to life without him around.

This is where I have a problem, Rosie. I like his mom and family. They all agree that he’s no good. They don’t even have a good relationship with him either. So the children get to see their grandmother, aunts and cousins. I have now met the love of my life, a very nice guy, someone from my past ( I should have married him years ago when he had asked, but I liked the bad boy). He treats the children well and my family like him, even my ex’s family like him. They are, however, upset that we are moving to another state in a few months and we are getting married in February. I promised them that the children will always be allowed to come and visit and they also will be welcome to our place. But they feel betrayed. What do I do, Rosie? I almost want to hold off from moving. My fiancé thinks that I’m nuts!

Looking for Balance

Dear Looking for Balance,

I was smiling all through this letter, thinking this girl has her stuff together! You were not going to be used or abused. I am also so very proud of the fact that you were able to create stability for your children and yourself by moving away to another town, but somehow keep the relationship open and non- toxic with your ex’s family. Also, how great you were able to get a second chance (a rare thing) at love. From your description, an all round good guy. Then the fly in the ointment: putting your life on hold because it didn’t make your ex-boyfriend’s family completely happy? Oh no, you can’t make everyone happy every time!

You have proven to be blessed with innate common sense and listening to your inner voice. It has held you in good stead, but because you are someone who likes pleasing people you are about to miss YOUR boat! This man has come around again (one of those tests that God has in order to see if you learned anything from before) and wants to love you and the children. He has also impressed both sides of the family. You both have an opportunity to move on to create a new chapter together, all while keeping open arms to the family, what more do you want?

The family can’t dictate what you should or shouldn’t do. They don’t have the right to. They may suggest especially if they thought it was a dangerous situation etc. But to block you from pursuing your happiness? I think not! I would ask you to do some “quick” soul searching to find out if it’s you who’s a little scared about this new step? I think that’s what it is. I know just before I embark on a new venture or phase in my life I have doubts and fears. But, personally, I pray about it and leave my fears with God.

I am so excited for your new chapter, my friend. I wish you many blessings on your upcoming marriage and continued success with your family.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: [email protected] or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.

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