How long should it take for my guy to give me money?

Hey Rosie,

I love to read the advice that you give to people with different situations in their life.

What I will like to know is how long does one have to be in a relationship (a woman) before she can decide if/when to ask her male friend for money?{{more}}

I am seeing this guy for the past two months, and he hasn’t given me anything. His kids are all grown. Therefore, he mainly has himself to take care of. He is in his fifties, and I am in my thirties. He has long working hours. I dislike the idea of asking for money. But how long can I be waiting for? I do work, shorter hours than him. We are all in the U.S.A. Please give me your advice. Thank you.

Tell me what to do

Dear Tell me what to do,

Okay, so let me make sure that I’m getting this straight: are you in a relationship or is he just a friend? I’m going to go with this is a man you are dating. There is a big difference between a male friend and a relationship.

Having said that, I’m slightly confused. You said that you don’t like asking for money, but you want to know how long it should be before you do ask? Personally, this is something that I am not comfortable with, and let me tell you why. If he’s just a friend, he’s just that. No matter if he’s stable financially and has the ability to share, that is HIS choice to do so. Then, on the other hand, if he is your boyfriend, the same thing applies. He should want to give you freely, not asked or made to feel guilty.

If the situation was reversed and you were the one making more money and you knew the other person was in need, it would be up to you to offer to help. Let’s say this was a long term relationship and both of you lived together, you would then have an open dialogue regarding how the money situation would work and I would still say you should have your own financial independence.

Bottom line, my answer is ‘no’. I do not agree with a woman asking a man for money. If he wants to give you a gift or take you to dinner etc and you are in a comfortable place to accept, then that’s fine. Otherwise, in some cases, the money becomes a form of control and manipulation. If he wasn’t in the picture, what would you do? I was taught you can’t miss something if you never had it in the first place. Take the high road. You can and will be able to get by on your own efforts.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152,

Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.