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Stuck between two lovers

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Hey Rosie,

I was born into a family who are proud to be Vincentians. My parents have always kept themselves well informed about what’s going on back home and always made sure that I know all there is about beautiful St Vincent.

Well, you know how Caribbean parents are. They have taught me well. But I have a dark secret that will give my parents a heart attack.{{more}}

I am in my early twenties and I am a lesbian. I have a girlfriend. She is much older than me, but that’s okay, because I love older women. There is another woman in my life. We met and fell in love when the company I work for sent me out of state for training, and she was my trainer. I told her about my girlfriend at home, but she did not seem to mind. She is in her forties. After I returned from training, I went back to visit my lover. The relationship is getting very serious. I do not want to let go of them, and I have been lying to both women. I know that these women love me; they will do anything in the world for me. I am not using them, because we’re all independent women. I just do not have the will power to let go of either one. I am in love with both women, but in different ways.

For now, I am still at home, just waiting for my place to finish. I want to come out to Mom and Dad, but I’m so scared. I think that Mom is aware of my lifestyle because she almost caught me in the act, but never said anything about it. I am not proud of deceiving these women. I wish that I knew how to let one of them go without hurting her. Your advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks

RH

Dear RH,

Thank you for writing. You are wrestling with two major issues here: coming out to your parents and stuck between two lovers. First, let’s deal with coming out to some VERY conservative West Indian parents! Right out the gate, I’m going to tell you that you should prepare yourself for various responses and realize that it may be a 12 step process before your life comes back to a “normal” relationship with your parents.

Being West Indian, we are brought up in a predominantly christian background that tells us that homosexuality is wrong and goes against the Bible. However, I’m going to step out on a limb here and approach this from the vantage point as a parent. It is difficult as a parent to hear anything that goes against the norm, but at the end of the day, we are very loyal to our children. Sometimes things we may deem as disappointments reveal themselves as “gifts” in the long run. I say this because I feel that this is going to open up a new line of communication between you and your parents. Loud shouting, and sometimes silent communication, but a chance for some “real talks”. They may say things that are offensive without thinking. But please learn to bite your tongue and have your own points ready for a respectful rebuttal. After it is said and done, I am encouraging you (when you know that you’re ready) to approach your parents. Oh, yes, also be smart enough to know when to walk away when things are little too heated. Perhaps telling them after you move out will be best.

Finally, you are somewhat of a player…yes, I said it! I appreciate that you are an independent woman. I also heard you that the other woman from your company was okay with you having a woman as well…you know why? She’s a big player as well! I feel for your original girlfriend who’s in the dark here. Look, what you are doing is no different than a man who’s cheating with more than one woman. It’s wrong. I feel because of your age, you should date and be open with the women that you meet. So come clean with both women. They may be upset, but they will know where they stand in your life. At the end of the day, it seems that you are on the verge of many changes. I wish you God’s guidance with regard to coming out to your parents. Time heals most wounds. Also, honesty is the best policy with respect to relationships. You are in my thoughts.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: [email protected] or P.O Box 152,

Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.

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