He always runs home to his Mother to complain!

Hey Rosie,

I enjoy reading the advice you give to others. I have a problem and would like to hear you opinion on it. I have been married for the last three years.

I must admit that I didn’t know the man I married too well. My problem is that he is very childish for a 47-year-old. He runs to mommy for everything and he tells a lot of tales.{{more}} When things don’t go his way, he will behave like a child. Recently, he had been causing a lot of trouble, telling lies on me to his mother and then he will tell lies on his mother to me. This has caused a lot of problems, because there is some bad feeling between me and his family.

He has also gone to his ex and complained to her, which she in turn told to his mother. She did this knowing full well that when they were together this man abused her and told all sorts of lies on her. I have got to the point where I want him out of my life. I told him so, and he went straight to his mother and told her that he is not happy and that I was not a good person. This man is pulling me down in life financially and otherwise. I can’t see a future with him. He is a mad man. He has some mental issue and is in need of medical help. He can’t treat me the way he treated his ex, who he pounded on for the years they were married; he used to beat her. He went after her with cutlass and all that, and got away with it. Now his way to deal with any situation that doesn’t go his way is to go his mother and tell lies. At the same time, he won’t leave because he can’t make it on his own financially.

Confused

Dear Confused,

As I was going through my letters this week, I felt the immediate urge to respond to yours. Let me say you are a very honest about your situation, because right up front, you admitted that you married a man you really didn’t know. Unfortunately, you are reaping all that comes with not knowing someone for an adequate amount of time. My advice to you this week is not about why you didn’t take the time to find out about your partner. My advice comes to you regarding reviewing this relationship and where do you go from here.

First of all, your husband needs help, help he has to seek on his own. I say this because some of his actions i.e. going after someone with a cutlass (never acceptable on any level!) and his medical history say that he needs someone who is a professional to help him work through his many issues. Believe me, you aren’t the one for this job. But more important, if you are going to leave this relationship, I am concerned for your safety. He is somewhat of a wild card and can possibly try to retaliate. You must have a solid plan to have your support system (police if necessary) in place to look out for your safety and protection. You must also make sure that if and when you do move on, you can do so and be financially stable. Finally, when all is in place on your list (those are only some of my suggestions, you may have other pressing ones), you should mentally wish him well, harboring no ill will and not look back. This is very important for your healing and letting the past go. Search within yourself and find out why you chose him, then work on those issues. I am positive you wouldn’t want to travel down this path again, right?

So, yes, I personally think you are in a toxic relationship. I also say do not get stuck in the finger pointing regarding his Mother, ex and family, that is such a small piece of this dynamic. Just get focused about how you can free yourself so you can heal and move forward. Wishing you much success and peace going forward.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152,

Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.