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‘I feel like a slut’

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Hey Rosie,

I have been reading the advice you give to people over the past years, and I enjoy it. I am in my mid 40s and have lots of friends who are the opposite of me.

I have no lady friends. Since I was a child, I was a tomboy, but for the past six to seven years, every guy I speak to, people say I sleep with, no matter how I try to explain that it is not true.{{more}} It is the same thing day after day. It makes me feel as if I am a slut. I just want to shut everyone, even my children out. Please help me. I don’t know what to do.

Don’t Know.

Dear Don’t Know,

Thank you for being a loyal reader of this column. I very much appreciate your kind words. I am so sorry that you are going through this type of experience. It must be very difficult to be labelled: “bad” or a “slut”. People can be very small minded and petty, but it’s how we rise up from the mis-treatment of others that determines if we are true survivors and I think that you are.

So you have many friends that happen to be males? Men, once they understand their boundaries in a relationship, make some of the most loyal friends out there. I have a few of them myself and wouldn’t trade them for the world. If you know within your heart that you aren’t sleeping with them, why are you letting these trifling people bother you? Now here is my disclaimer: if all of the men you are hanging out with are married or in long term relationships where you are the only female who’s the “good friend”, I can see that being a problem. Unless you are a respectful friend to their partners and not intruding in their private space, then there is no problem. However, if the relationships are in the shade of the night, private texts, and rendezvous, then this will not be acceptable.

Look, I am saying this simply: hold your head high. If you can look at yourself in the mirror then you have nothing to worry about. People will always have something to say. Most of the time it’s because you are simply different. This is a good thing. Work on your own self esteem and do not allow this to come between you and your very own flesh and blood, your children. This isn’t fair to them. But if you can’t look at yourself in the eye, because there might be some truth to the rumours…own up to them with yourself and remind yourself that you deserve to be number one in someone’s life, not just a side kick. Love yourself, hold your head high and acknowledge the greatness within you.

Wishing you inner peace and clarity moving forward. You know which road you should be on.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: [email protected] or P.O Box 152,

Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.

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