Torn between the people I love the most

Hey Rosie,

I read your column every week and I must say I am impressed with all these good feedback that you give, and that is why I am writing you because I need your advice. I am an 17-year-old teenager who is madly in love with this boy (19).{{more}}

Now, Rosie, I know I am a little too young to be in love, but it is not like if I am planning to spend the rest of my life with him, but if it has to turn out that way, then so be it. I love him and he loves me, too, but there is just a slight problem, or must I say major problem, and that is my parents, shocker isn’t it?

My parents do not approve of this boy. I don’t think that they hate him, but more that they hate the things they hear about him, because people always saying these bad things about him, but I don’t see those things and also because they don’t trust me. I say they don’t trust me because I go behind their backs to see this boy and whenever they find out, I lie about it and I can’t stop seeing him and I don’t want to be lying to them, but you know what they say, telling the truth only gets you in more trouble, so you tell a lie to get out.

You may say I am blinded by love but that is not it, he is a very nice person, he does have his ways, but he sure is not a bad person. My parents don’t want me to see him anymore, but I can’t do that, Rosie, but I don’t want to disobey them either. I was honest enough to tell them that I like him, so why can’t they at least trust me to date him. I am getting older, I will be 18 in a few months and it is time they start to trust me and they can’t choose who I should and shouldn’t date.

Rosie, I really need your help on this one please.

Confused

My Dear Confused,

There is nothing like young love…ahhhhh. Ok, I’m back. I just had a flashback for a moment there (smile). First, let me say this what you are feeling towards this young man at this time is real, nothing can change that. Now to the problem at hand having to live a lie and especially being deceptive to your parents. I can see that this is very hurtful because your conscience is trying to find a happy balance here.

Now let’s talk about your young man for a minute. Why are there all of these rumors about his character? Sometimes there can be a little truth there and because we are blinded by our feelings we choose to ignore the signs. Is he decent to you, willing to follow your lead in terms of what it is you would and wouldn’t do? Does he try to dissuade you from sneaking off to meet him (this is a big one) or is he just cool with it?

You see, you hit the nail on the head. You are going to be an 18-year-old young adult very soon. No more sneaking around and shady moves. There comes a time when you will have to do the BIG GIRL move and sit down with your parents and your young man (if he is up to the meeting) and see if some sort of truce and rules can be set so both parties are happy…or at least satisfied for the moment.

So many couples have had resistance in the beginning of their relationships – believe me, many. But it’s how you choose to approach it. Maybe you can win over a family member (a respected one that is) and have them bridge the gap for you. If all of this is too much for both of you, then maybe the relationship is really not on the level that you think it is. I am happy that you are very respectful of your parents feelings and I hope they meet you a quarter way in this, but at the end of the day, you must remain true and honest to your self and your own values. Remember, this is the beginning of many of life’s challenges, so face them head on. All the best my young friend.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.