How can I be less of a neat freak and less selfish?

Hey Rosie,
Your articles are fantastic and I enjoy reading them.

I am a lesbian and have been for as long as I can remember. One cannot look at me and point me out as a lesbian, I have a great life and have been with my partner for eight years. She is my rock.{{more}}

I have accomplished great success because she believes in me. Both of us have great jobs that we love. We have just purchased our first home together and are about to take that big step of living together. However, I’m scared, because I have never lived with a partner, and sometimes I can be very selfish with my things, and I’m a neat freak.

Can you please tell me how I can go about being less of a neat freak and less selfish.
Thank you in advance.
T

Dear T,
Thank you for writing and your very kind words about this article. Your question today regarding sharing your personal space on an ongoing basis is not just specific to someone who is in a same sex relationship, but to all couples in general.

What I am gathering from your letter is that you are in a good place in your life. Financially sound, in a solid relationship, and happy with who you are as a person. This is a wonderful combination. You are understandably nervous because this is a big step in your relationship….that is sharing your space.

What is good about you is that you recognize that you are a self-proclaimed “Neat Freak” and can be a little selfish at times. If you are feeling out of sorts and feel like things are out of control, just simply say: “It is difficult for me to see this place looking like this,” then sit down and talk about how both of you can resolve the issue at hand. So do not yell or shout. That isn’t going to help a tense situation.

One tip is for each person to have her own assigned duties in the house. Even though it may not be executed the way you would have liked, it gives each person a sense of ownership and also a contribution to the household. Oh, yes, taking deep breaths and counting to 10 back and forth (smile) does work. Eventually, things will start to meld together.

Wishing you the best in your new chapter of your life. Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152,Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.