He treats me like dirt!

Hey Rosie,

I AM 16 years old and still treated as if I were five years old. My father treats me like dirt and is over protective. I can’t have any friends, whether it’s a boy or girl, and that’s not even bad. When I go anywhere with him and a classmate calls out to me, whether it’s a boy or girl, he behaves as if a big crime has been committed.{{more}}

He always wants to be in my mail box checking my mail, searching my bedroom, and if I stay in the bathroom too long he comes and knocks on the door asking me what I am doing in there so long.

Rosie, that bothers me so much! The house has two bathrooms, but he doesn’t trust me, so he keeps coming to check on me. If I go in to my room to lie down, he opens the door and tells me to come outside. If I sit at the computer if he’s at home, he comes to stand behind me to see what I am doing.

I have a very good friend who is like a father figure in my life because my father plays no part in my life but to abuse me: verbally, physically and emotionally. He’s always there for me when I am down and under a lot of pressure. He takes me out to free my mind from what is going on in my home and makes me feel like I am someone and not an animal. My father found out about him some weeks ago and wanted to see him. He went as far as to go to the young man’s home to see him to tell him to come and see him (my father).

The young man came and my father asked what’s the relationship between us and we told him. He said he doesn’t have a problem with us seeing one another, but it must be at my home when the guy has nothing to do. For the first in my life I felt so happy, but it’s not even two weeks since he told me that and now he comes home and picks on me for no reason saying: “I have man now so I bright.”

He doesn’t want me seeing the young man now and told me he wants to see him by tomorrow. I am so frustrated I don’t know what to do. I love him so much. He makes me feel as if I am being loved and my father doesn’t care. He is seeing another woman besides my mother and he treats us like s***. You don’t even know, but one day I hope I can meet with you to share a bit more with you. Please reply.

TIRED, SICK AND FED UP

Dear TIRED, SICK AND FED UP,

Wow! There are so many disturbing layers to your letter, but the biggest theme is the dysfunctional relationship you seem to have with your father. With every letter that I read I know there is more than one side to a story and right now your side is a very sad one.

Almost all 16 year olds feel they do not get the respect they deserve from their parents and no one understands them. I can still remember that feeling very well. But the treatment you are describing is not normal at all. I again will quickly go back to the point that this is how you see your life and your father at this point can’t defend himself.

As a parent, I do agree in setting boundaries and limitations. But I also will give my children the freedom to explore this world and learn from their own experiences. I would also hope that they would pull from the examples and lessons that were set before them by my husband and me. It would seem as though you are not getting this type of experience at the moment.

My advice is that you will need some sort of authority figure to mediate between you and your father. Someone like a pastor, healthcare worker, a fair and level-headed relative who your father respects. All of your issues should be put on the table and he should be given the opportunity to express why he reacts the way he does. If you can’t find any of these resources, try this link: http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/aboutus/Pages/ContactForm.aspx. As parents, we, too, make big mistakes. The thing is, we must be willing to grow and learn from them. All I can tell you is this, too, shall pass, my young friend. Be strong.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.