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My life is filled with regrets for my actions

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Hey Rosie,

I was with this boy who took my virginity. We were very close, then it all just happened very fast – our relationship ended in December.

In January, I met some one else, and we are together now, but I still have a little feeling for my ex, as he took my virginity. However, he is saying that he did not take my virginity and that I lost it before I had sex with him… That is not true! He also says that I am bad, but I am not a bad person.{{more}} I am only left to regret that I ever had sex with him. I had always wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. I feel so disappointed in myself, and always hating myself for what I did.

Tell me what I have to do to feel better about this situation.

I have had sex with my new boyfriend three times now – the ending of January being the last time. I stopped having sex with him because I dont want it to turn out like my first relationship, where sex made it feel like the relationship is going good.

I really love this boy, but he seems to be telling me a lot of lies. When we just met, he talked as if he doesn’t talk to his ex-girlfriend, but I just found out that he usually goes by her, as they live close to each other. It seems as if we are drawing further away from each other. He is always telling me that if he loses me then he doesn’t want anything good and that he loves me very much. What am I supposed to do to make this relationship better? We hardly get to see each other to talk. CONFUSED

Dear Confused,

Well, to be truthful, I am also a little confused myself. Your recent dating life reads like a mini-series gone astray. I think that you are moving too fast in and out of these relationships. Maybe you really need to step back and take a long hard look at yourself. The common factor with these two guys would be you.

The first guy you hooked up with and eventually had sex with seems to be a jerk. However, jerk or not, he would have been giving you some signs earlier on in the relationship of what type of attitude he had towards you or life in general. This is something that is very important for us to look out for when meeting new people… picking up on the “signs”. Your current boyfriend is also exhibiting some of these shady signs as well.

Now, I have a question for you. What does your gut tell you in this new relationship? What obvious signs are revealing themselves about this relationship? Could it be the tip in regards to his ex-girlfriend? Or the line about “if he loses me then he doesn’t want anything good?”

I am here to say that we are always going to make mistakes in our lives. However, what we do with the lesson learned is the truly the most important part.

Do not beat up on yourself about your past mistakes, brush yourself off and move forward. I would like you to ask yourself why do you think it is so important to please a man by sleeping with him so early in the game? Why is that? You do not have to compromise your beliefs so that a man will love and stay with you. In fact, it tends to go the other way. If it comes easy to a man, he thinks that your affection and love is “disposable”, and we know that’s not the case.

Continue to hold your head high. Keep re-affirming how you see yourself. Hopefully, this should be that you are a good person who deserves nothing but the very best that life has to offer.

You deserve the full cup of juice, not the dregs at the bottom of the glass. Anyone who has the distinct pleasure of knowing you would be very fortunate. Please love yourself, embrace how special you are. If you do these things, all of your relationship answers will reveal themselves. Peace be with you always.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: [email protected] or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.

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