I only want to get married once

Dear Rosie,

I am one of your weekly readers and I am very pleased with the advice that you give to young people such as myself.

Now Rosie, I am 21. Well, I will be 22 in June, and about to get married on August 2nd of this year.

I met this guy about 2 years ago while I was in college. I do love him and want to marry him, but to be honest, I am not sure.{{more}}

He was once married, he has 3 children, none of whom live with him (and I don’t want to be a part of those children’s lives because they are not well mannered and they are not small. They are 12,10 and 6 years old), and he is 14 years older than I.

Although I am the one who wanted him to marry me, I am kind of scared to be honest, because I only want to get married once. He is a very nice person to me, but still I am scared as it will be a whole new life…please do give me your advice as soon as possible.

Scared

Hello Scared,

I must admit that your letter threw me for a loop because I didn’t want to be responsible for giving someone advice about whether to get married or not.

Then I really thought about it and I can only give you my thoughts and point of view and you can take it from there. OK?

Funnily enough, I got married at 22 and I still am married to the same man years later. My circumstances were vastly different from yours, but the one thing with my situation that has remained constant is that my boyfriend at the time was my friend… and still is to this day. We like you also met in college and dated for about three years. During that period, I found him to be one of the most decent and kindest human beings that I had ever met. You could love someone all day long, but do you like them? That is a very important question you have to ask yourself.

The reason I ask this question is that you would be more likely to want to sit and talk out issues that would come up, problems if you will. Problems like his children and the role he would want you to play in their lives. You should be able to honestly voice your opinion about not liking their behaviour. You should then together come up with a plan as to how he would bridge the gap between you and them.

I would be remiss in not mentioning again that you are only 22. Yes, you are an adult and can make these types of decisions. But I can’t help but feel that you have so much that you haven’t seen and done on your own. Your partner has had that advantage. I am sure that he must be a wonderful man. However, as you said, you only want to get married once. I agree with that statement. Have a sit down with your partner and express your fears. Better to do this before you “jump the broom”, than in a lawyer’s office!

You seem to be a very bright and perceptive young woman. Take this time and have this conversation before you get married…you REALLY have to. Who knows it may work out, or maybe you both may decide to postpone the wedding until you’ve worked out your issues. Be open, be patient and be honest, it’s the only way to go. I wish you all God’s blessings for your next steps. He will guide you.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.