My father molested me

Hey Rosie,

At the age of 12, my dad started molesting me. It, however, stopped when I was around 16. Now I am 18, and will be 19 in one week’s time.{{more}}

I am sick of my dad. I am now working as an assistant teacher, and thought things would have been different. He told me that not because I am working does it mean that I do what I want. I have a boyfriend who works in Canouan. We got in when I was 17 and he came home and spoke to my mom, but my so-called dad was not in the island at the time. My mom had no problem with my boyfriend, so he came and chilled with me when she was home.

When my dad came back, someone told him that I have man coming in his place. I was 18 at that time. He beat me because of that. He also wants to carry the boy to Court.

It happens that my elder sister was about to come, so when she came, he told her. She wasn’t mad at me. She was mad at him. My sister spoke to my boyfriend and my dad, then my dad decided that he wants to meet him, so he did. At times my boyfriend wants me to come and chill with him on the weekends, and every time I ask my dad, the only thing he can jump to is that I want to go have sex. I can’t even go out and enjoy myself and it’s getting to me. My boyfriend is fed up. He says he feels like he is with a little child and every time we talk to them, my mom says when I am 18 things will change. Now I am 18. When I am 19, I want to go down for my birthday, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a no. I want to get out of this house. It’s driving me crazy. My friends even laugh at me because I am older than them and I am working and I don’t have any freedom. I think I might even lose my boyfriend because of this. He put up with it for two years and I don’t think he will do so for another year. I need your help, please.

Desperate

Hello Desperate,

First of all, let me wish you all the goodness and strength for your 19th Birthday. May you be given the knowledge and the fortitude to know that God is on your side. Remember that.

OK, I am SO upset with your father and forgive me your mother as well! I am trying very hard to be diplomatic, but it is proving to be very difficult. None of this should have happened to you! Your father is a child molester, plain and simple. He is also a domineering and controlling man as well. I strongly believe that your mother knew what was going on, but did nothing to step in to protect you! Look, as parents, we are supposed to guide you and protect you from the harms and dangers in this world. Your home should have been a place of safety. Sadly, my young friend, you really never had that. Your dangers were inside of your home and that is truly horrible. However, you are now an adult, so you have some very difficult decisions to make.

You see, because your father likes to control everything and everyone, it seems, he cannot come to terms with the fact that you are of age and moving on with your life. Even though you seem to have a pretty decent boyfriend (who I guess doesn’t know the family secret?), this is much bigger than your relationship with him. You really, really have to seek some sort of professional help for yourself.

Please do this before you start a long-term relationship with a man. If not, you would start your relationship with a handicap.

You need to talk to someone about your very horrific experience. I would also suggest that your mother and maybe your sister as well should find someone to talk to. Heal yourself first. Heal yourself first. I can’t say this enough! He (your father who himself needs help) has put you on a very bumpy road. But a road that I know that you CAN overcome. Please seek the help that you need, please. It will empower you to make the best decisions for your future. Also, everything takes baby steps, but you will have the strength to face your father one day. I am in your corner, girl, because you will overcome all this. You ARE a survivor!

Peace be with you, and God is always in the mix.

Rosie

P.S. These situations are truly heartbreaking. For those of us who suspect that there are young boys and girls who are going through this sort of trauma and simply look the other away, we have to take a good hard look at ourselves. We then become a part of this “secret”. This is totally unacceptable! My young friends, you do not deserve this. Not today or ever!

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.