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Let go my man

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Rosie,

I have a problem with my boyfriend’s soon to be ex-wife. They have been separated for 8 years, physically separated, as he lives in New York. Since I came into the picture a year and a half ago, she has been harassing him about their “children” and money. The “children” are: the youngest 18, the oldest 26. In other words, they are adults.{{more}} I have heard him tell her that he does not wish to be called and cussed out, and to leave him alone.

She does not seem to know that it is over. She has a boyfriend, but apparently her ex is not supposed to move on. I correspond with two of the “kids” via email, and we are quite friendly. One stayed with me this past summer. Another visited last summer. The ex saw one of the emails and wrote to me cussing me, telling me to stay out of her children’s affairs. I was shocked and did not respond.

My boyfriend and his wife are West Indian. I am American, and maybe this is a cultural thing that I am unfamiliar with. I have been told that a “Vincy woman ain’t easy”. Please enlighten me if this is the case. What can I do to make her let go MY man?

Won’t let go.

Dear Won’t let go,

Yup, yup, yup. You have a problem on your hands. Where do we start? The one thing that I can say about this situation is that you aren’t the reason why this woman is nuts! If your boyfriend and his soon to be ex have been separated for eight years, then this is some old history going on. You just happen to be the bull’s eye on her target range at the moment. Poor you!

The other thing that makes me sad for her is that she doesn’t want him to have anyone else, but she should. Pretty much like a selfish child who only wants to play with her doll when someone else shows interest in it! This is something that we must learn and teach our children about from a young age. OK, so I digress. I’m back to your dilemma.

How serious are you and your boyfriend at the moment? Are you hoping to take this relationship to another level once he finally gets divorced? I am still a little on the fence about becoming entirely too serious with a man who is still legally connected to his wife (she is still that until the gavel hits the desk to end it). Have you both sat down to discuss where you both would like to go from here?

I ask these questions because you would like to know what sort of foundation and united front you will have when dealing with his soon to be ex. If both of you aren’t on the same page, then you already have a challenge on your hands. If he is kind, respectful, shares common goals and dreams with you, then by all means stay in the battle.

By the way, I got a great laugh about “Vincy women aren’t easy!” OK, so we are special. Very outspoken, will not be messed with and at the core very, very, kind. You just happen to know a misguided and hurt person at the moment. She is just grasping at straws at the moment, you did the right thing not to confront her. It isn’t worth it. She will eventually move on. Good luck and let me know how this turns out.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.

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