My parents don’t like my boyfriend

Hey Rosie,

I am a 20-year-old young woman of a rural village. I’m with this guy whom I’ve been with for nearly nine years. We have a 9-month-old daughter and that made our love even stronger. But there’s one problem. My parents don’t like him and his mother also doesn’t get along with them at all.{{more}} To see each other, we have to hide away, even to see his kid. We want to get married in the future, but If I do, my parents for sure will have nothing to do with it. Rosie, I don’t know what to do. We’ve been together too long to give up now.

Please help me

Dear Please Help Me,

You are between a rock and a hard place. You are now entering that very adult place where you and your boyfriend will have to make some serious adult decisions. I, like you, do not agree that you must sneak around to see your boyfriend, or even worse, for him to see his daughter. That is ridiculous!

But there are a few things that I have to ask: 1. Are you working or going to school presently? 2. Is your boyfriend employed? 3. Are you and the baby being financially supported by your family at this time?

The reasons I ask these questions are very simple. In order to get the respect for your relationship and eventual support from your family, you have to become independent of them. Our parents will always treat us like children if we don’t start making our own attempts at being independent. In your case, that is even more pressing because you are now a mother to a precious little girl. Go back to school or evening classes. Make those sacrifices now, so you may be able to excel in the future.

I have a couple of suggestions. You and your boyfriend must try to establish a path to financial freedom from your family (it is going to be hard, but necessary). Then find someone, an older family member, respected member of the community like a church leader etc. Explain to them that this is the person you would eventually like to marry and be a family. You should also ask them to bridge the gap between the families at the moment. Hopefully, the parents involved will have enough respect for this person so that the lines of communication can be opened.

Now also be prepared that this may take a few attempts before you can start seeing some sort of change on both sides. All in due time. I would like to address the parents of young people in a similar situation. Be open to your children. They may not always take the road that we desire for them. This, however, doesn’t change the fact that we are the examples and support that our children depend on. We must get past our own hurts and disappointments and help them to help themselves. With our guidance, our children can still excel to greatness. They may stumble along the way, but this is normal. Remember that we once stumbled, but were helped along by someone who cared enough for us to put us on the right path in life.

Peace to all.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.