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Penis goes limp when I wear a condom

Penis goes limp when I wear a condom


Dear Helen

FIRSTLY, I am a nineteen-year-old male who is in the best of health. I exercise and work out regularly in the gym, as I’m a very health conscious individual; however, I basically have a problem concerning the use of condoms.

Every time I put on a condom, within seconds, I become very limp, and this no longer affords me the opportunity to continue with intercourse, and it always creates a very embarrassing problem for me and my significant other, to say the least.{{more}}

Why is it that my erection goes south, only directly after putting on a condom? Without the condom, I can stay erect and have regular climaxes.

Is my problem an isolated one? Is there something wrong with me? Should I consider not using the condoms and take my chances with my girlfriend as she is on birth control?

Should I be that concerned about contracting any STD?

As my girlfriend is very faithful to me, and we are wondering if this would be the solution, as it has worked in the past for me.

Is there a pill that I could take that would eliminate my problem, and allow me to remain erect while I use the condoms?

Could you please tell me what my options are, as I am very frustrated and embarrassed with this situation?

Fed up and Very Frustrated.

Dear Fed Up and Very Frustrated,

Sorry you have this problem but you are not alone. Many men experience this and there is, for the vast majority, a solution. Some have to hunt further for it than others, but there’s no reason whatsoever for your penis to be so mischievous and keep letting you down. It is nothing more than a psychological ‘thing’, nothing physical.

Somehow, you need to perhaps even ‘learn to love’ the condom, letting go of whatever deep seated prejudice you have against the tiny piece of latex, and not have such a dreaded fear of it.

You outwardly want to be seen to want to use them but perhaps because of an initial experience where you ‘lost it’ and perhaps a partner was less than polite to you about it, you’re now expecting your penis to let you down, so, of course, he does.

Why not get yourself used to them when your partner is not around. They’re a completely acquired skill, after all and you wake up with an erection, I imagine.

As you may not always want that one for sexual activity, and it doesn’t matter if he goes limp on you, start to get him used to just wearing a condom for a while. Even masturbate wearing it so Willy gets used to the slight change in sensation. You really can beat this one but it’s totally a case of mind over matter.

As for whether you should ever just ‘take your chances’ – no, you should never just take your chance in this sad time when there are more STIs around than ever before.

Is this not perhaps a way of saying she’s on the pill, so I don’t want to bother, too? But the pill can fail, she may forget to take it or be on interacting medication without you realising that it ‘wipes out’ the contraceptive effect of the pill and hey presto, you become an ‘unplanned baby father’.

If you are determined not to overcome your condom phobia, the only other way for you as a couple, then, would be to both get tested and remain totally faithful to each other, forever. None of us can ever know, 100 per cent, whether or not our partner really is 100 per cent faithful to us and we’re fooling ourselves if we say we do. I am firmly in the corner of ‘dual protection’ and using condoms at all times, whatever the relationship . . . but after so many years in this field and hearing so many ‘I had someone else but he/she doesn’t know’ answers to questions in clinic, I’m probably the ultimate cynic when it comes to this subject and a complete kill-joy . . . but condoms can be, and actually are, everyone’s best friend – even if allergic to latex (there are non-latex ones around too, to conquer that excuse!).

They are a talking point, for starters. I never cease to be amazed how many people are far too shy to talk to each other about anything sexual health related, but not too shy to jiggy about and share a total stranger’s body fluids . . . then start to worry! Prevention is far better than often, these days, no cure!

As for your last question, taking a pill to keep your erection while wearing a condom is possible – if you speak to your doctor and if he/she is prepared to go along with you and write a prescription, but that’s only going to give you more problems.

You will then become dependent on the pill you are using and if you don’t have any left, get your erection, put on your condom without taking your pill Willy will let you down again because you are tuned in to the pill saving him from going south and you’re back to square one.

You need to retrain your mindset when it comes to condoms and learn to turn it all around and live by the motto ‘no protection – expect rejection’. If your lady said, and meant it, ‘no condom, no sex’ – I bet you, penis would learn to stay erect in next to no time, so he’ll get sex again. But it won’t work if she gives in . . . she’s got to mean it and you’ve got to know she means it. Your penis will only tolerate it for a while before he realises he’s got to get serious about loving latex.