Confessions from her diary – Part 3

Dear Brandon,

I hope this letter reaches you in good faith; because before closing this painful chapter of my life, and putting you completely behind me where you belong – I want to thank you. {{more}}

I want to thank you first of all for letting me know what it felt like to truly love someone, and in spite of everything I have to admit that you made me happy. Some people never experience happiness, but I did – with you…

Sometimes I wish I’d never met you! Sometimes I think that you are the worse thing that ever happened to me! – A cheat, a liar, a worthless… It is so hard not to dwell on the past, but I try not to, forgive me.

Not a day goes by without me remembering how good we were together, how you made me laugh, how you held me close, whispered sweet words… and broke my heart! You didn’t have to do that Brandon. You were my everything! For some months after you left I asked myself, “How do I go on living without the centre of my life?” But thanks to you Brandon, I have found new life.

I guess I always knew that you were not the person for me, but I just didn’t have the heart to let you go – not until now.

When I heard that you got married, I cried, no I bawled for a whole month, because someone else had taken my place. Someone else would be in your arms and suffer the same fate that I had. You are not half the man I thought you were Brandon. Your wife has the right to know that you are HIV positive. I was going to tell her myself, but I trust you to do the right thing.

I have come a long way since you left. I’ve run out of tears for about two months now and I don’t miss you the way I use to. Finally I can sleep the whole night through without waking up every two hours wondering where you are and crying myself to sleep again. For once in a long time I can smile again, appreciate life and move on.

This is the last you will hear from me, not because I hate you – I think you have enough to hate yourself for – but because I want to be at peace with myself.

HIV might limit the years of my life, but I won’t let it stop me from being happy or achieving my goals.

Goodbye,

Nikki