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I am tempted to sleep with men to get money

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Dear Life Coach,

I am a 30-year-old female who grew up under very humble circumstances. Five years ago, I became involved with a man after several bad relationships, because he promised me a better life. As it turned out, he had been unfaithful to me the whole time; running around with various women. I am so distressed because I gave up migrating to my family in Canada for a better life, since I wanted us to be together except – there was no us. Now he has “kicked me to the curb” and I am left jobless, homeless, and destitute. Furthermore, my family of origin is in a very small, overcrowded space.{{more}} I have searched for jobs, without success, for the past six months, but my only offers are from men who are willing to pay me to sleep with them. To be honest, sometimes I am tempted, because I do not know what else to do. I also want to go back to school to become a cashier. How do I pick up the pieces of my life without the basic necessities?

Potential Prostitute (PP)

Dear PP,

I am sorry that you have been hurt in love and that you gave your heart to someone who was unfaithful and unkind.

What’s Going On:

Here are some factors that contribute to your present situation: unrequited love, unfaithfulness, unemployment, potential prostitution, family support, and extramural education, among others. These I will address briefly.

Unrequited Love

Unrequited love refers to one-sided love, that is, love that is felt by someone who does not receive the love back from the person who is loved. Your boyfriend clearly did not love you if he was running around the whole time.

Unfaithfulness

Unfaithfulness destroys the fabric of trust in any relationship. Unfaithfulness means that you cannot depend on your partner to be true to you, due to shared interests (in terms of his time, money, support, affection, etc) with someone else, that is, a distribution of everything that is rightfully yours. An individual may be unfaithful physically, emotionally, and or sexually.

Unemployment

When unemployment drags on for months there is a lack of resources, lowered self-esteem and the individual is likely to lose heart and lose hope, and, in extreme cases, housing is lost and the person becomes destitute without family support.

Prostitution

Prostitution refers to sex for sale. Many women worldwide are involved in prostitution for the purpose of survival. However, there are many negatives associated with such a lifestyle, including the following: biblical disapproval of this behaviour; society frowns on it; risk of rape, sexually transmitted diseases, abduction into the sex slave trade; homicide; reduced sense of dignity; and bringing shame and disgrace on one’s family.

Family Support

One purpose of the family is that of social support, which is critical and expected during desperate times. If your family is willing to come to your rescue with food and shelter, you will not need to turn to a life of prostitution.

Extramural Education

Extramural education refers to studies that are done outside of an official educational system, away from the physical school campus, usually by students who are unable to attend regular classes.

Possible Steps to Take:

You could consider some of the following options:

Check with Girlfriends. You could check with some of your girlfriends to see if one of them could put you up for a while.

Go Home.

It is better to go home and be with family who love you in a crowded space (which is not criminal or shameful) than becoming involved in a life of prostitution (which is both illegal and immoral).

Apply for Social Welfare. You could consider applying for social welfare and see if you qualify.

Seek Job as a Live-In Helper.

You could try to find a job as a live-in helper to do housework or to nurse the elderly.

Vend in the Market.

You could consider buying and selling small items in the market e.g. popsicles, sweets, hair accessories, etc.

Become a Farm Hand.

If you know someone who farms you could offer to assist and or buy provisions and sell in the market etc.

Apply for Scholarships. You could apply for scholarships to pursue your extramural studies.

Explore Going Overseas. Continue to explore going overseas to be with your relatives. It may not be as easy, but it may still be possible.

Refuse a Life of Prostitution.

Do not become involved in a life of prostitution as it never leads to a good end. So shun these unscrupulous men. God provides for the birds of the air and He will provide for you too. Believe that something good will work out eventually.

Get to Know Your Partner.

Take time to know any potential male partner well before you get involved with him. Also, wait for the right person, and avoid becoming involved because of financial needs.

PP, “Seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened unto you, ask and it will be given unto you,” so keep on trying. Do not give up, and definitely do not get into a life of prostitution.

Life Coach

DYNACII

Need help with relationship and other problems? Ask DYNACII’s Life Coach. Email your questions to [email protected] To Chat with the Life Coach, visit: http://www.dynacinternational.com. Dynamic Action Center International Inc. (DYNACII) a non-governmental organization committed to social and spiritual empowerment.

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