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I want out; I am not a homosexual


Dear Life Coach,

I am an 18-year-old male and I got involved in the homosexual lifestyle when I was age 15, due to peer pressure. I want out of this lifestyle, but I don’t know how. I was raised in church and my parents are Christians. They have been disappointed in me since then, but they still love me, because they have supported me through all my ups and downs, although they have made it clear that they do not support my lifestyle.{{more}} The thing is, my friends and I have all grown up and gone our separate ways (some overseas, some to the capital and some are deceased due to HIV) and I have no reason to continue this way. Furthermore, I would like to have a wife and biological children the natural way one of these days; I do not want to raise another man’s child. I am already labelled as homosexual by everyone and I believe that no one would believe me or take me seriously if I change. Also, what if girls are never interested in me? What if guys don’t stop hitting on me? What should I do?

Confused Teen (CT)

Dear CT,

You pretended to be a homosexual in order to maintain friendships and now you want out of the lifestyle since your friends have all gone.

What’s Going On:

Here are some factors that contribute to your present situation: sexual identity, peer pressure, homosexuality, biological offspring, spirituality, and family and social relationships, among others. I will address these briefly.

Sexual Identity

Sexual identity refers to a person’s perception of himself or herself as it relates to romantic or sexual attraction to another person. Sexual identity is distinguished from sexual behaviour and sexual orientation. Sexual behaviour refers to sexual activities in which a person is involved, while sexual orientation refers to a person’s romantic or sexual attraction, which may be directed towards the opposite sex, the same sex, both sexes, or there may no attraction to anyone.

Peer Pressure

Peer acceptance is very important to adolescents’ development and some youth will do anything in order to be accepted by the peer group. In addition, some writers indicate that as “part of their agenda, homosexuals actively recruit young men to join them” via fashion, popularity and ridicule.


Homosexuality is defined as erotic attraction toward persons of the same gender. Western/Psychological Standards: Prior to 1973, homosexuality was considered to be a Sexual Disorder by psychologists, based on the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). Today, homosexuality has been eliminated from the DSM-IV-TR (fifth edition), and is now considered to be an alternative lifestyle that one can choose to adopt. Meanwhile, psychologists are involved in debate about whether the origin of homosexuality is genetic, environmental or both. Evangelical & Catholic Church Traditions: The majority of Christian churches hold fast to the biblical perspective, which views sexual relations between men as unnatural and unseemly (grossly improper; not suited to the circumstances) and indicates that such individuals receive a recompense (payment/punishment) for such error, which was demonstrated when a whole city involved in homosexual behaviour was destroyed.

Possible Steps to Take:

Biological Children

Children are the result of the union between a male and a female, not between individuals of the same gender. Yes, there are other options for having children, such as surrogacy, invitro fertilization, and adoption, but you have made it clear that you want to have children the natural way. In that case, a heterosexual relationship, followed by marriage when you are mature and ready is the way to go.

Make Your Own Spiritual Decision

You are experiencing guilt with regards to your homosexual involvement. Any kind of spiritual growth requires change. Spirituality is also a personal journey, so you cannot rely on the philosophy of others, or allow them to make your decisions for you. Life leads everyone on a different road and you must find your own path. Having a relationship with God is of importance to you and now is an opportune time. So, make that leap of faith and get on the God-track that you have acknowledged to be the right one for you.

Family and Social Relationships

Your family is devoted to you and will be there to support you as you change from a homosexual to a heterosexual lifestyle. Some people will judge you, while others will support you. Know that we all have to deal with transitions. Avoid homosexual hang-outs. As you re-settle into a heterosexual lifestyle, individuals around you will learn to respect you and your decision and in time they will take you seriously. In terms of heterosexual relationships, marriage and children, take things one day at a time. You are young and still in the process of development. Focus on your education, career, and general social relationships. Take courses to develop self-esteem and good qualities, and in time, the right woman will come along. Keep a positive perspective on life.

CT, best wishes as you make adjustments with respect to your sexuality.

Life Coach,


Need help with relationship and other problems? Ask DYNACII’s Life Coach. Email your questions to [email protected] To Chat with the Life Coach, visit: Dynamic Action Center International Inc. (DYNACII) a non-governmental organization committed to social and spiritual empowerment.