I am a woman trapped in a man’s body

Dear Life Coach,

I am an 18-year-old male, but since I was about 10 years old I have felt as if I should have been a girl instead of a boy. I admire girls so much and I wish that I could be one of them. Sometimes I feel like I want to scream because I feel so trapped, like a woman in a man’s body. I lie on my bed at nights and dream of what I would look like in a dress, high heels and make-up, with my hair styled, but I dare not tell anyone because my family would go “crazy”. I don’t know what to do.{{more}} I want to tell my mother, but I don’t know how. I try to keep away from girls who show interest in me because I don’t know who I really am. I also wonder if I am becoming a homosexual person, as I have attended church all my life and I know what the Bible teaches about this. So, sometimes I feel sad and guilty about this.

Trapped Woman (TW)

Dear TW,

Physically you are a male, but emotionally you feel like a female and you are scared to reveal this.

Here are some things that are going on in your life that contribute to your present situation: gender identity disorder, confusion about transsexualism and homosexuality, heterosexual relationship/social friendship, sadness/depression and spirituality among others. I will address these briefly.

Transsexualism is a disorder in which an individual feels as if he or she has the wrong sex, that is, a male who feels like a female and vice versa. Such individuals also feel uncomfortable wearing the clothes of their own gender, and often dress in clothes of the opposite sex, as well as practise roles and activities of the opposite sex. 

Biological: Some research point to one cause of Gender Identity Disorder as being potentially a biological abnormality, that is, a certain section of the brain that helps to regulate sexual behaviour is smaller in males (larger in females) than it should be.

Conditioning: It is possible that very early in your development you were made to feel that you should have been a girl instead of a boy. So, subconsciously, you are attempting to correct what you feel must be a mistake by wishing to be a girl instead of a boy in order to be accepted. 

Transsexualism: In transsexualism the individual feels as if he or she has been given the wrong gender and is basically uncomfortable with the gender he or she has been assigned. Homosexuality: In homosexuality the individual has an erotic/sexual attraction towards persons of the same gender. Transvestism: In transvestism the individual cross-dresses (wears clothing of the opposite sex) in order to experience sexual arousal. 

Individuals who are confused about their sexuality and their identity generally become sad. If the problem is not addressed, over time this sadness can spiral into depression (loss of interest in everything, despair and hopelessness). 

Spirituality is integrally tied to sexuality and you have indicated your Christian faith and your guilt over the desire to cross-dress. The Bible is clear about God’s standards for the following: 1. Human Identity: Male and female (two distinct sexes) made in the image and likeness of God. 2. Human Sexual Behaviour: Intimacy between male and female in the context of marriage. Any deviation from God’s standard as based on scripture is unacceptable to God. 

Hormone Therapy & Sex Change Surgery – Not Recommended

Some individuals with this disorder seek to change their sex and are treated with reconstructive surgery and sex hormones. However, these are problematic and controversial treatments and I am not recommending either. There is also the question of your Christian faith and reconciling a sex change spiritually. 

Since you have had this concern over eight years, seek professional help from a behaviour therapist that is trained in this area in order to uncover the underlying psychological processes that have created this discomfort with being physically male. Therapy should also focus on helping you to achieve an identity as a male who is comfortable with his status as a male, both physically and emotionally. 

As a person of faith, meet with your pastor for healing prayer and spiritual guidance. 

Interact with other young people and avoid isolating yourself. Tell your friends that you are not ready for a relationship if they ask, and hold your ground, and they will learn to respect your decision.

TW, it is my hope that you will find your identity as a man, find a good wife, and have a wonderful life.

Need help with relationship and other problems? Ask DYNACII’s Life Coach. Email your questions to dynacii@gmail.com. To Chat with the Life Coach, visit: http://www.dynacinternational.com. Dynamic Action Center International Inc. (DYNACII) a non-governmental organization committed to social and spiritual empowerment.