New Year’s Resolution
Dear Life Coach,
Every new year for the past 10 years I have promised myself to change my life: lose weight, get a job and maintain it, settle down and get married, and accumulate some assets. I am a 35-year-old man, yet I have nothing to show for it. Many of the guys that I went to school with have a life: they have a wife and children, a house and car, and a steady job.{{more}} I started smoking “weedâ when I was about age 19 and since then everything has been a downward slide; I took up with the wrong crowd and left home before time. I have two children, but I was separated from their mother, and I have not been able to support them for the past two years and in the past when I did, it was sporadic, because I have never had a steady job. I really want to turn my life around, but I really donât know how to go about it. Iâm so messed up and at this point I feel so desperate.
Desperate Man (DM)
Dear DM,
You feel disappointed in yourself because you have not been able to live up to your own ideals and expectations.
Your Situation:
A number of factors are at work here: new yearâs resolution, developmental stage, marijuana abuse, weight management, unemployment, skills training, and supporting a family.
New Yearâs Resolution
A New Yearâs Resolution is a commitment to oneâs self at the start of the new year to achieve a personal goal such as losing weight. The new year spurs us to make a fresh start in an area of life with which we are dissatisfied. Millions of individuals are, however, unsuccessful in maintaining the desired change.
Developmental Crisis
You are in the early adulthood stage of your development. For your healthy adjustment you need to achieve intimacy (sharing your life with and making a commitment to a partner), as well as the developmental tasks of child rearing and career development. Your inability to do these have caused you to feel disappointed and dissatisfied, since these achievements create meaning and purpose in our lives.
Marijuana Abuse
Marijuana is made from the hemp plant which contains many chemicals that cause both psychological effects (such as slowing of time) and physiological effects (such as increased appetite and drowsiness). Long term use of marijuana also causes social, school, and occupational disruption, and physical dependence. Marijuana possession (use) is also an illegal activity.
Weight Management
Weight loss may be tricky, depending on your metabolism (how rapidly your body burns calories), your activity level (whether you move a lot or sit a lot) and your body type (whether you store fat easily).
General Rules for Weight Loss:
Set 3 or 4 meal times each day and stick to them
Do not eat between meals
Eat from a plate that is about 9 inches in diameter
For lunch and dinner, divide your plate into four sections as follows: Fill half your plate with green leafy vegetables; fill a quarter of your plate with a lean meat; fill a quarter of your plate with complex carbohydrates.
Drink water or fruit juices with no sugar added
Stick to natural foods, that is, avoid foods made in a factory
Walk for at least 30 minutes, 3 times per week
Sleep for 8 hours each night
Keep stress to a minimum
Losing weight means changing the way you live, that is, including these 10 changes in your life every day.
What to Do
Quit Using Marijuana
Marijuana abuse has disrupted your physiological, social, occupational and emotional functioning. If you wish to progress in your life, then you must quit the habit. Visit your doctor for a counselling referral, as well as for treatment of withdrawal symptoms.
Skills Training
Since you are not skilled or qualified for a job, you should consider going back to school, or becoming an apprentice in a skill of interest to you e.g. construction or mechanics.
Employment
Seek work in an area that does not require a skill e.g. packing shelves in a supermarket or mowing a lawn. Employment will make you more attractive to potential partners and you will be able to support your children, start a savings account and develop an asset base over time.
Support & Visitation
As a father, your input is very important for the healthy development of your children, so please visit them and play with them, although you are not able to give them financial support at present.
Steps to Achieving Your New Yearâs Resolution
Expect slip-ups and plan for them
Set a mental focus
Visualize yourself being slim
Get family support
Prepare to take action
Set a start date and start
Keep a record of your successes
DK, you are still young and have a lot of living to do. It is my hope that you will be able to get back on track very soon.
Life Coach
DYNACII
Need help with relationship and other problems? Ask DYNACIIâs Life Coach. Email your questions to dynacii@gmail.com. To Chat with the Life Coach, visit: http://www.dynacinternational.com. Dynamic Action Center International Inc. (DYNACII) a non-governmental organization committed to social and spiritual empowerment.
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