Is Closure Necessary?
CLOSURE IS important to find following the ending of any significant event (be it death, divorce, migration of a loved one; change of job) or relationship in one’s life. Closure is when you become at ease with the fact that what existed is now over, and it is time to embrace the novelty of what exists.
The need for closure often centres on a need for a missing piece of information, particularly about why someone did or said something. What constitutes closure varies from person to person and is highly dependent upon the context surrounding a stressful event.
Examples of closure might include:
- Receiving an apology from someone who committed a crime against you.
- Receiving financial compensation for an injury.
- Finding out the cause of a loved one’s death.
- Conducting a ritual to mark the end of a relationship such as burning photos, writing a letter that is not sent, and so on.
- Meeting with an ex-partner or ex-spouse, perhaps with a counsellor, to discuss why the relationship ended or to learn why one’s partner was unfaithful.
What Does Closure Do?
I believe finding closure after a breakup is extremely important with regard to the healing process. Letting go of the hurt and pain is the first step to making peace with what happened. Closure is like a Band-Aid for a cut; sure, a cut could heal over time without one, but a Band Aid allows the cut to heal much quicker and mitigates the chances of the cut reopening.
Your breakup; the end or the premature end of a job; the death of a loved one is a lot like that cut. The longer you keep it open, the more pain you put yourself through. There is nothing more painful than a cut almost being healed, only to be reopened again.
Don’t try to wait out the healing process without a Band-Aid; ask the question that needs to be asked and find the closure you need. However, if the cut is deep enough, no closure or Band-Aid will be enough to stop it from becoming a scar. In this regard, my suggestion will be seek further counselling from a professional to deal with the scars.
You need closure after something ends in order to move on. Without it, there is the risk of walking in circles. There is nothing worse than sitting in the dark wondering, “What if?” Our minds most time journey along the path of wondering how things could have alternatively turned out; it places us in a position of stagnation, where we become fixated with the past and unwilling to embrace the future.
One must acknowledge that things are no longer going to be the same. Be open to the possibility of things working out even better than the way it was.
When going through a breakup or the end of anything in one’s life, you experience a plethora of emotions. The majority of the time, this includes sadness, anger and heartbreak. For my personal experiences, the emotions came in that order.
We often feel as if we hate the persons who caused us pain. But this is usually the case before receiving closure. In reality, we don’t hate them; we hated that we couldn’t be with that person or have the particular thing. Once we obtain closure by asking the relevant questions and receiving the answers, it would bring the realization and acceptance of the fact that things had to end.
We are then better positioned to embrace the future with great openness and understanding from the lessons learned in our past. Remember life is too short to dwell on what was lost, when there is so much out there to be gained.