The ‘forbidden fruit’ concept in relationships

Continued from last week

Love will find you…

Going after an unavailable person is definitely a recipe for emotional pain and disaster. It is important for each individual to value himself or herself and seek to find someone who can also add value to your life and encourage you to be the best you can be.{{more}}

How to make yourself a good catch or more appealing?

1. Be Light

People who are light draw others to them. It is effortless to be around someone with a lightness of demeanour and an easygoing manner. A person with a light heart reflects happiness and brightness to others, and it is uplifting to be near them. Be someone who offers light, positive energy to the world and the world will be drawn to you.

2. Love Yourself

If you don’t love yourself already, then make that a daily objective. Write down all possible reasons that you should love and respect yourself. Focus on your positive qualities and successes. Don’t allow your mind to lock on to negative thinking. If you don’t love yourself, your lack of self-esteem will be apparent to others. It is very hard to love people who don’t love themselves. It is very hard to receive love openly and completely if you don’t believe you are worthy of it.

3. Set Boundaries

I know this sounds pretty negative if you are trying to attract love, but it goes hand in hand with liking yourself. Setting boundaries is about having respect for yourself and gently letting people know who you are and how you want to live. If you allow yourself to be taken advantage of and walked on, it is hard for others to respect you and to offer you real, healthy love. You won’t lose love by setting boundaries. You will become more lovable.

4. Laugh at Yourself

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Have enough self-confidence to laugh at your own foibles. Embrace a healthy self-deprecating humour. If you let the defenses down, and allow yourself to be vulnerable and real, then you become more approachable and oddly enough, more respected.

5. Show Affection

The power of loving touch is astounding. When you offer someone a hand, a hug, a friendly squeeze, you are jumping into their space and pulling them into yours. You are inviting a connection. There are some who aren’t so comfortable with lots of affection, but even so, a small amount of touch communicates volumes about who you are and your willingness to reach out.

6. Be Real

Sometimes in our efforts to be lovable, we lose ourselves. We put on an act to appear smarter, funnier, richer, and powerful or simply to become the person we wish we were. That’s all fine if you want people to love the imitation you. But eventually the act is not sustainable and you’re found out. Don’t waste your time pretending. Just be yourself. Be honest with yourself and others about who you are, so the real you can receive the love you deserve.

7. Have Integrity

Honesty, loyalty, reliability and strength of character are vital characteristics for each individual. It is likely we might win love without these, but we won’t be able to sustain it for the long term without these. Define what integrity means to you, and live that every day.

8. Be Surprising and Unpredictable

Step out of your comfort zone. Do something unexpected. Go out of your way for someone. Say or do something nice for someone else. Say yes instead of no. Gain a reputation for being interesting and surprising – in your own special way.

9. Love Unconditionally

Offer love to others, expecting nothing in return. Offer love because you want to give it without fear, conditions, or strings attached. Give love for the sheer joy of giving, and you will discover that your own lovability factor increases exponentially!

“Love is not about finding a good partner, it is also about being a good partner.”

Dr Miller is Health Psychologist at the Milton Cato Memorial Hospital.