How can you realize your true worth?

(continued from the last Midweek publication)

The most important person that matters is you. You are the one who determines your true self-worth. I guarantee that you’ll find and know your true worth by putting these two practices into your life on a consistent basis.{{more}}

Practice #1: Have high quality thoughts

Our thoughts and beliefs determine how we feel, which then determines our behaviours and actions. Replace low-quality thoughts with high-quality thoughts that you can believe in. For instance, if “I’m not good enough” is a habitual way of thinking for you, that thought leaves you feeling down about yourself. You will behave and act in ways that reflect this. This leads to attracting men who don’t treat you well. Every time “I’m not good enough” pops into your mind, replace it with “I’m good enough” or a positive thought that rings true for you.

Practice #2: Love yourself completely

We teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. If you want to be treated with kindness, respect and love, treat yourself with kindness, respect and love. Kindness begets kindness, respect creates respect and love brings about love. If you tend to be hard on yourself, practise self-love.

Summary:

You allow people to treat you the way they do. Your energy, confidence and attitude is the currency that others will transact with. I know many women who have settled for less, and simply “accepted” cards dealt, because deep inside, they don’t believe they deserve more. I’m sure you know of someone who seems to have it all together in their life, but when it come to relationships, they just can’t seem to shake the habit of dating persons who are in no way deserving of our presence in their lives.

In my life, I’ve created my destiny within my career, friendships and community. With friends, I’ve really embraced the fact that friends are all unique pieces of a pie. Some will be lifetime friends that are next to family; some are social friends, some acquaintances. I’ve learned to appreciate the various types and unique forms of value each friend brings, and as well as a system of how much and what kind of energy I invest in whom. I am blessed with the best friends ever, but that inner circle is sacred and thoughtfully selective.

I’ve learned to embrace self-love. And while I’ll always be a perpetual student in this journey, I’ve made the decision to apply my successful method in dealing with friendships and business to how I do my relationships. I’ve stopped apologizing for who I am and have learned that I am “perfect” the way I am, right now, right here. I will constantly be growing, evolving and working on bad habits, but those flaws, those imperfections are part of the beauty that makes the person I am. I can now easily recognize men who are drawn to me only for the best of me, and as Marilyn Monroe best put it, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as ‘hell’ don’t deserve me at my best.”

Know your value and don’t accept being treated in a way less than you deserve. Now, I don’t mean to start going out there with unrealistic expectations, demands and a sense of entitlement. I am saying that you deserve to be treated the way you treat others, and vice versa. The minute you negotiate self-worth and accept less, you say to the universe that you don’t deserve any better, and the vicious cycle/pattern begins. Change for yourself and of course, friends and partners are great mirror reflections that help you grow. But don’t change out of the wrong reasons to appease someone or in hopes that they will like you more. If they judge you for who you are now, they are not your fit. I will end off with a quote from “Sex and the City” that is an inspiring reminder:

“But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love you as you are, well, that’s just fabulous.”

Dr Miller is Health Psychologist at the Milton Cato Memorial Hospital.