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I’m struggling with outside relationship

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Dear Pastor,

I have a problem that I have been struggling with for a while now and I really can do with some advice.

To be honest I think I know what needs to be done but can really do with another opinion to help me in the process. {{more}}

Pastor, I have been having this relationship with a girl for about two years now. I am not married but I am in a committed relationship and so is she.

We have discussed it over and over and both decided that our being together is not a solution because we both love the people we are with and there are children involved.

I have made a vow to stop seeing her in the New Year but I really want us to continue to be friends. The thing is every time we have decided to end our affair and just be friends something always happens and we find our selves drawn to each other again.

How can I really make this change?

Need Some Guidance

My brother,

The “let’s just be friends” line is a very slippery slope that few can manage.

Yes, certainly there are people who might have had relationships that have ended because of ethical or moral reasons and have managed to challenge their feelings into lasting, meaningful, non-compromising friendships… sure. But I am willing to bet (though I am not a betting man) that the statistics on that type of arrangement will not be very promising for your predicament.

You see once a relationship has been ended in such a way, meaning moral bindings, there can often be a feeling of being robbed or longing that remains.

Even though the relationship is “officially downgraded ” to friendship all it often needs is a moment of reminiscing or a falling out with one’s spouse to be a magnetic field drawing you back to “the one” that you will “never forget”.

The television romantic air brings a lot of pressure that few are able to handle.

So as for your new year’s resolution, my advice is if you and your “friend” really want to move on and get out of your improper relationship then do so…totally. There must be a separation between the both of you, SEPARATION!!! Can you ever be friends again; sure…in the foreseeable future I will advise against it.

Your individual relationships will be stifled to the point of death if they are not given room (physically, emotionally etc) to really heal and flourish before they can handle such imposing friendships.

You and your “friend” are doing the right thing, it isn’t always easy, and we wish we never make errors but when they do happen it is good to see people willing to start over, get it right, get back on track. I do wish you all the best.

And to every one who has ever written to this column, those who have been helped in some way, to the entire nation of St. Vincent and the Grenadines I say, “May the love and sacrifice that epitomize Christmas fill your heart and may we all walk in the will of God for this New Year!”

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