When de two Come-Reds meet

DIS WEEK Lie-Za stole de whole cake wid I-sin, candle and all.

She was asking if ah heard dat Putin de Rush-Ann Prime Minister fired his whole Cabinet and our Prime Minister gone to Rushher . So ah asked her how come nobody knows de PM gone Rush-her, and furthermore nobody knows what he gone dey fah?

She asked me: “ yuh wearing Red way yuh hurting up yuh head fah?” How somebody on de team to Rush-her sent her an E-mail and told her all way go down wid Ralph and Put-In. She said because Put-In sent home all his Cabinet ministers, it was ah “One-to-one” meeting between de two Come-Reds. During de initial (red) coat-to-see, Put-In said he was happy to meet our PM and he was honoured to have him, he was always informed of our Come-red’s Spectrocopic performances as being de only “ Knight in shining Armour” in de sub-region dat still holding on to de Gospel according to Stallin, de Crumble-in, and me Put-In of course!” Den Put-In asked our Comered how things going in SUV , same time Ralph corrected him and said:” May I correct de Come-red Leader, my country is SVG not SUV!”

So our Come-red pulled out ah Searchlight Newspaper, handed it to Mr Put-In and said: “Comered leader. I brought you a copy of one of our local Tabloid’s coverage of only ah brief account of my Stewardship dat I delivered at my last Con-ventshun. “ And President Put-In started to read aloud: “ Huge strides in Education, Hell’t Care , Far-reign Policy, Trade ‘n’ Commerce.

Less Poverty, Indigence and Undernourishment (same time, Put-in looked at Ralph’s stom-muck)” Our PM was clearly repeating himself: “Far better education and Training in every respect; Better Hell’t Care Services in every respect.” Same time Put-in asked if he had done anything to de Miltion Cato Memorial Hospital recently.. “Ah coming to dat Come-red Put-in. Please continue reading” Put-In continued: “ We have Better Housing for everyone; Far better social Security at de Nah-shunall insurance Services and at Public Services than before .” Put-In stopped again and said: “ Dis means dat yuh PAID BACK NIS de money yuh BORROWED FROM NIS to pay outstanding Public Servants contributions?”

Our PM stuttered ah bit as Put-In continued: “Far more and Better Sporting Facilities; Far more and Better Cultural Facilities” Put-in asked him how far he reached wid de Nahshun- all Stay-dumb and de Nah-shun-all Cult-rural Centre. “foh de second time our PM said: “Ah coming to dat next Comered Put-in.” So Put-In resumed his reading: “Large strides improving Road networks and Bridges, improvements in Sea and Air access and immigration issues.” Mischievously Put-in enquired about our Liar-bill-at-tea Cash Cow Airlines LIAT, but didn’t wait foh Ralph to respond, so he continued to read: “ De Economy is larger, de country is wealthier today dan In 2001; A stable Monetary System, A stable Inflation System and we have Low Inflation. For de third time Mr Put-In paused and asked. “Comered Gone-sad-is where exactly is your coon-three, how come I have never heard about such ah great little coon-three?” Same time our Come-red gave Put-In one ah his fearmost “Bing! Bing! Bing!

Wait nah!” on Boom Radio, he replied: “Come-Red Put-In Wait nah! Wait nah!

Wait Nah! Ah coming to dat!”

Mr Put-In browsed thru de next few paragraphs then continued to read loudly again: “He (our PM) will announce de date of Elect-shun when de time is right.” Put-In asked him how he would know when de time is right. “Please Read on, it’s all there Come-red Put-in. “ Put-In smiled and continued to read: “After prayerful consideration, and I asked de question, speak Lord, your servant Ralph is listening, and de date is given to me…. And we will be going for ah fifth term and will be winning again.”

Put-In just about collapsed when our PM told him his ULP Go-Venom-Mint has an unshakably slim one-seat majority – ULP 8 to NDP 7, notwithstanding ah ruling on two elect-shun petitions.

And wid dat is gone ah gone again. Remember dis story is all Lie-Za’s fan-tosee, nice reporting on de ULP Con-vent-shun by Searchlight Newspaper.

One Love Bassy.

● Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.