Alas! It’s Black Friday

Alas! It’s Black Friday! Alas! It’s de First Day of Christ-Mas! Alas! It is de day after “Thanksgiving” when all hell break loose as Shoppers all over de world, even in SVG, will storm de Stores foh early Christmas Deals, discounts is de bait!

Alas ah teefing use of ah Word dat my friend, de late John Horne did love to coin as his own: “Alas!”. But back in de ole days at Grammar School we were told dat the word “Alas!” is an ex-claw-me-shun or express-shun of “Unhappiness! Pee-tea! Sorrow! and so on. My teacher-wife explains to me in class-room style: “Alas, yuh done-see head, it is a sort of an Oxy-moron.” Dat to my mind is an insult, because ah know what is, oops, who is ah Moron! Very insultive is dat Lie-Za, she says de fastest way to become ah Moron is to become ah polly-trick-hand.

But everything about de term “Black Fry-dey” ‘smacks’ of rip-off. And de origin is disgustingly stink. His-story is ah hell-hve-ah-thing. Ah read from one version of de origin of Black Friday. Yes it was ah great day to shop, not if yuh were looking foh ah cheap fridge, TV or stove, how bout ah burnt-out over-worked Slave dat was going at bargain price. Some ah de very Slaves who cooked turkey and ham and laid it on de master’s table foh Thanksgiving Dinner, were going to be sold at a Slave Auction dey day after Thanksgiving Thursday, which is Black Friday.

Just like how we getting up early by de hundreds to reach by de stores before de doors open to get dat piece ah furniture we been eyeing, is just so hundreds uses to turn up at de Auction Sale to get cheap Slaves. Ah bet yu will read hundreds ah stories refuting dat Black Period of American His-story, but just tell yu-slf dey’s ah strong, undisputed fact dat what yu did today de 29th November 2019 and before, say yuh shopping foh Black Friday Deals, yu were supporting ah Wicked Racist Trade-yu-shun dat should not tek place in SVG or any Black Country on de day after Thanksgiving. Dey is only one Black Friday, and how eye-run-ache dat is Good Friday.

On ah lighter side Lie-Za makes fun of de whole Black Friday fee-ass-score. She say we tell we-self Black is beautiful, and to hell wid de world. But anything will catch Black People once it is piggy back from de Black List of Blacks: Nobody will go Casino to play ah game ah White Jack, yuh mad? it’s Black Jack! Dey’s Black Art not de same as Black Arts or Black Magic (obeah); Black Book (my school days nay-Miss-sis. Yuh Miss behave and it’s all yours. Black Out (Vinlec’s former nick-name foh darkness). Wid gun shots blazing down Heritage Square during Block O, we will soon rename dat Black Oh! SVG is now on de Black List of countries who ridiculing de “Citizenship Buy Infestment” program. Lie-Za say Black Bawl has replaced Black Ball when yuh try to leave de Labour Love Party. Ah think she means Black Death Pull-it-to-kill-he! Why did dey have to pass blight on ah good branch ah Policing and call it Black Squad? And just now Cocane will be renamed de Black Powder! Lie-Oh who is Lie-Za’s fee-ant-say boasts how Black Label Whiskey is de best; but even dat great brand dey trying to under-mine wid “Black ‘n’ White Scotch,” Wait till he taste Blue Lable Scotch.

White Goods Day was ah tremendous success when CWSA Solid Waste department offered to collect and transport to de Solid Waste Site, all de unwanted household items free of cost. Ah ask my girl since dey say dat Black “Dis” or Black “Dat” is all dat bad, why did ah White Pry-mini-star boast say he is de Black-is Prime Minister. She watch me and say: “because he really and truly Black!”

Finally she ask me: “Doctor Friday, Black or White?” De voters will speak! Hope nobody didn’t rob yuh too much today, Oxy-moron again. And wid dat is gone ah gone again..

One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.