De whole ah SVG owe-beast

De next time yuh go to de Doctor and yuh see he put yuh pon de scale and he weigh yuh, height, den goes to his calculator, and within 30 seconds he comeS up wid ah magic figure. Den he compliment his readings wid ah few questions like: “ yuh exercise ah lot do yuh? and yuh eat ah lot ah fish and fruits and vegetables right?” Yuh feel like slice bread right about now. Den he will smile and tell yuh dat yuh BMI reading is under 25 dat’s O.K. Yuh not overweight so keep on doing what yuh doing.{{more}}

On de other hand if when he done his calculations, he gets a figure above 25, ley we say 36. 0!! he will scratch he head and give yuh ah P.T Full look, yuh done suspect something wrong. Some Doctors will come straight ‘right off de bat’ and tell yuh dat yuh got ah BMI reading of 36, and den he will tell yuh dat yuh Owe-beast! Well yuh know dat yuh nah Owe nobody except de Bank and Billing and Loan foh yuh house, Credit Union foh de Car and yuh Owe Vinlec light bill, yuh ain’t even know anybody name ‘Beast’ much more to Owe-Beast! Yuh con-fuse now, so yuh ask de Doctor: “Doctor, way yuh say, I Owe-Beast?” He humah yuh ah bit: “ Yes, like yuh want to give Arm-In and Ralph competition or what?” And foh de first time in yuh life yuh will get ah lecture dat would get yuh out ah yuh bed five o-clock every morning to go walking or jogging, and whereas at breakfast yuh uses to be meking noise wid de madam foh ah second serving ah scramble egg and bacon, yuh settling now foh ah ripe banana, two slice ah toast bread and ah cup ah bush tea.

Is no way yuh leaving de Doctor’s office till he tell yuh what dis BMI and de 36. 0 stand fah. “ O.K” he says, “ Ah person wid ah Body Mass Index (BMI) of above 25 is Overweight; ah BMI of 30 kg/m2 or over, is Owe-Beast.” Den he explains dat kg/m2 means ‘yuh body weight in kill-ah-grams (kg), divided by the square of yuh height in metres (kg/m2). Firstly, get yuh body weight in (kg), if yuh weigh 185 pounds, divide dat by 2.2 yuh get 84.1 kg. Same wid yuh height, it must be in metres (m). So if yuh are 5 feet 6 inches (5.5 ft); divide 5.5 feet by 3.29, de answer is 1.67m, but de form-yuh-law says m2 which is 1.67 multiply by 1.67 equal to 2.79m2. So wid de kg/m2 or (84.1 divided by 2.79) yuh BMI is 30.1. Wid dat kind ah reading yuh Doctor will tell yuh to eat much less and do more exercise because yuh Owe-Beast bad, ah lot ah excess weight

SVG DE 18TH FATTEST DEVELOPED NATION

Ah tek time to explain de above, because dey was ah news item on SVG TV on Wednesday night dat featured an FAO report on de World’s Fattest Developed Nations (WFDN). Dey put it mildly, but dey ranking de countries wid de fattest adult population in de world, people who Ah-Beast or Owe-Beast! It is frightening and we must stop giving credence to competitions like Miss “Big and Beautiful!” De FAO listing foh WFDN puts Trinidad & Tobago as No 1in de Caribbean and No 6 in de world, wid 30 percent ah de adult population Ah-Beast. Antigua No 2 in de region, and 18 worldwide; when yuh leader is Ah-Beast expect high rankings, first was Big Bird den Spence-saw. Yuh would tink SVG would ah tek warning, never! Not when our PM Owe-Beast and Awe-Position leader Arm-In Owe-Beast too! SVG is No 3 in de Caribbean and No 21 worldwide wid over 25 percent ah de adult population Ah-Beast. In other words every 4 people yuh meet in SVG one ah dem Ah-Beast. Mexico is No1 in de world wid 32.8 percent ah de adult population Ah-Beast. De great USA wid all de junk food dey dumping pon we, is right up dey at No 2 wid 31.8 percent ah de population Ah-Beast.

Sure we all know dat Owe-Beast is excess body fat from bad diets, too much fats and sugars and not enough fibre like cassava/farrine and dash-in and so on. De experts say dat Owe-Beast increases your risk of die-or-be-tease, heart decease, stroke, art-ah ride-dis, and some cancers. Losing weight can delay or prevent some of dem diseases.

Dis whole country Owe-Beast, every ting is excessive, check yuh light bill, check yuh phone bill, yuh water bill, check yuh cooking gas and vehicle gas bills; see how much more yuh paying now foh de same groceries yuh bought last year. De book list is Ah-Beast! So we must all lose weight, dis Fry-dey ah marching to stop Owe-Beast,.

Ah sorry Ralph will not be here, ah would love foh He and Arm-in out front marching wid placards dat says “End Owe-Beast in SVG, beginning wid us.”

And wid dat is gone ah gone again,

One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.