For God sake let’s move on

Ah want to tek offence to de resurrection ah de ole debate on Ugly Black and Pretty White (Gone-soft vs Arm-in) now making de rounds in SVG.

“I want ah Con-fuss-say-shun,” so says Pry-minister Gone-so-off, another Rev-all-yu-shun ah believe, it ain’t funny. His problem is dat no matter what he says, nobody ever seems to be able to quote him correctly; he never add-myths to nuttin, and when he can’t get out ah de mess he made, he shifts de Con-verse-say-shun.{{more}} Ah once said dat ah nah believe dat Dr Gone-soft is ah Rare-sis, ah still want to think so.

His problem is dat he wish he was Black. He grew up in de tick and tin wid Black People and he luv de life of ah Lickle Black Boy, he love to use de words dey does use to cuss one another. He say he climb coconut tree like “Black People,” went to school beer-foot like de other poor “Black Children,” he bathe ah bay-side and River naked wid de lickle Black Bwoy and dem, when he got to see dey end-dow-mint, oh boy, dat not only mek him wish he was ordinary Black, but Black like midnight when not even George Bush would wreck-an-eyes him.

We got to tek some ah de blame foh dis cussing Blacks ting, when we mad vex, we don’t hold back to cuss and call each other de wuss names like “Yuh stupid/ugly/lying Black Son of ah whatever,” and so on. Like it or not dat is ah Mar-saw White Man ting! And in de brain washing exercise, we not only copy it word foh word, we want “Copy Rights,” dat is only to be used by Black People.

White people don’t cuss white people stink like we, Never! So we must first cut it out, and Mr. Gone-soft de Blackest Pry Minister must not be allowed to get away wid his constant use dirty innuendoes to describe decent citizens.

We want to Con-fuss-say-shun, we need foh Gone soft to stop using Black Comedy pon us, withdraw an apologize all de nasty references he been making and continue to make of people.

Lie-Za was telling me dat even de dictionary put ah stigma on Black, so she invited me to come-peer and con-trass de use ah de words Black and White as pre-fixes. It meks ah funny Con-fuss-say-shun, no mention was made of Black Power, but ah keep hearing bout dat again, ah doh-noh!

Ah Black-belt, is de highest grade in Martial Arts; Black-berry is no longer de great fruit, it’s de cell phone to have. Ah Black-eye is bad but ah Black Eye Peas is good food; Nuff respects foh Bagga Black Fish and good comedy is Black Comedy or Vie-see Ver-saw. Gold Smith deals in Gold, Lock Smith in Locks but ah Black Smith wuk in fire.

Dey discovered dey’s something in dat Black Board why so many Blacks learning, we now have ah White-Board; and de Black Box is turning out to be quite important. Dat’s about it foh de good Black tings. Now foh only ah few ah de bad Blacks: Black Arts is obeah, Black Magic is done wid de help of ah evil spirits but White Magic is used foh good purposes. Like thousands ah people died from ah strange disease in Asia and Europe in de 14th century, de were all White, de disease was called Black Death! And like Vincies ready to Black-Ball Ralph foh calling Arm-in Black; We may get SVG proud name off de Black List, but dey’s no White List to go pon. Ah remember in Grammar School, dat Victor Hadley, one ah de few White Skin Black Men, did burn de Black Book.

Alas Black Market! SVG’s biggest income earner, buying and selling from Madam Marie Warner. Writing bad tings bout people on ah white sheet ah paper is called Black Mail. Ah White Lie is not quite ah Lie, but nah mek nodody tell ah Black Lie pon yuh, especially if yuh are de known Black Sheep! When Vinlec cut off de current, it’s not ah Lights Out but ah Black Out.

Dey’s only ah few bad White ting like Cocaine is de White Stuff? Dat’s ah mistake. Ah tempted to say White Elephant but Ah-polo Knights who has ah White Collar wuk, beg me hard not to knock de Airport, our great White Hope. In London de big boys lime at White Hall and in de USA dey dey by de White House. Dieticians say eat only White Meat, de Mighty Sparrow dying to try some. De White Australian cricketers coming to give de Black West Indies team ah White Wash, if de Windies win is de same White Wash.

When White girls are forced into prostitution it’s not called whoring, it is White Slavery! Lie-Za dey itching me to write she want to get married to ah White Man, everybody got to wear White, she driving to de White Chapel in ah White Limo, no wonder she so Black.

And wid dat is gone ah gone again.

One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.